i just want to say this:
you are not responsible for anyone else's emotion
I know, but since I do care about him and the rest of my family, I just want everyone to be happy :( Thank you for taking the time to read and respond :)
None of this is your responsibility, but it does affect you, so look into some emotional support. I'm not saying you need therapy, but if there is someone you trust who can provide you with counsel when you need to be talked down from scary situations, look into it.
There are a couple of flags about your father which come up. The impatience is quite a common thing, but that doesn't mean it's a good sign. It's a symptom which may indicate and mask a number of significant and ancillary problems. The main concern is related to the aging body and potential health problems. Has your father had a complete medical exam recently? Because impatience, shortness of temper, ease of upset can be a sign of ailments like high blood pressure, cardio-pulmonary problems, stroke, type 2 diabetes, anemia, digestive and gastro-intestinal issues like acid reflux, diverticulitis, hernia. The point is that the place to start is a full medical.
Then there are the couples issues where parents need to renegotiate their living arrangements and expectations after their primary responsibility (you) has flown the coop. Don't underestimate the effect of the missing distraction and triangulating force. Some families cope with it better than others. I think the main area of support you would need here is to about holding your center and integrity when you brush up against their conflict. Because their conflict is not yours to fix. You can suggest counseling, but it's up to them to follow through.
The other thing is the process of grief and loss that comes with middle age. Again, it's up to your father to address this.
He goes to the gym quite frequently and eat's healthily (if anything he's lost weight over the past couple of years). And I really just want him to stop and think before he acts (at this point in time, I don't think either of my parents would be receptive to counseling, which is why I want to try and at least get the ball rolling). I could imagine getting older has had an effect on him (a middle aged crisis that took a little longer to occur). And thank very much for your concern, but I don't need to be talked down from anything like you might be thinking, and I do have emotional support in my sister, she just happened to be away this evening so I didn't include her in the original post. It's just kind of like all of a sudden I realized that I don't want to deal with his attitude anymore and I want to know why he feels the way he does so that hopefully we can get some sort of resolution. He didn't have a great childhood, his mom was in the hospital with lung cancer from when he was 8-13 before dying, and he was never close with his 5 years younger brother and his father wasn't (and still isn't) a great person. I think he really cares about my family and doesn't want to be like his dad was, so maybe he's just more stressed than I realize. Thank you very much for reading and offering such a thought out answer, I really appreciate it and you're very kind for doing this :)
Okay, but it's a common misconception that the healthy lifestyle of regular exercise, adequate sleep and good dietary habits provide all the solutions for age, or that the cause of emotional problems is exclusively emotional in origin. Lifestyle can ameliorate the worst effects of age and it can lift spirits, but don't let it be an anodyne. World-class athletes at the height of their prowess have been known to keel over. Ascetics like Ramana Maharshi, who practised hatha yoga, never touched an ounce of liquor or red meat in their lives, and meditated daily die of cancer. There is very little rhyme or reason in these things. All I'm saying is that a sudden change of personality can be precipitated by a medical event, so where is the harm in checking it out and crossing it off the list?
I also applaud your decision not to deal with your father's attitude anymore. If you have support to help you stay on track with that decision, all the better! Good luck to you.
Oh wow, I wasn't aware of all that! The body really is strange o.o thanks very much for the luck! I feel better about moving forward with this now, thank you for your help :)
I hope everything works out for you and your loved ones.
So the topic of my question isn't manga/yaoi, but I still need some help dealing with it (also I apologize for the length of this post). So this is regarding my dad. I'm in college now, and he's in his 50's. When I'm away at school, it's nice to talk to my parents over the phone, but when I'm back at home for the summer, I have to deal with them directly. My mom is fine, but my dad is the one I have problems with. As he's gotten older, he tends to snap really quickly. If he ever get's stressed out/panicked about something (like if there's a bad driver or something dangerous like that) he yells really quickly. But over the past couple of years it's gotten to be worse, and he yells about really random things. Today, for example, my mom, dad, and I drove to a lake near where we live to go for a walk. The weather was really nice and we saw a lot of birds, so I left feeling pretty happy and content. We went after dinner, so the sun had set by the time we left the lake, which meant it was dark on the drive home and everyone had their headlights on. My dad commented that since the road is curvy and angled differently than a straight road, the lights will get into your eyes more directly. I then commented that that's why you should drive more slowly. I don't really remember how the rest of the conversation went, but after a minute of my mom and I trying to tell him that my initial comment was in agreement with his and him not listening, he started yelling. I really didn't understand why since I was agreeing with him because I assumed that his comment implied that it was unsafe (hard to see + curvy road = unsafe, right?). An hour or so passed after we got home and I went to ask him why he got so angry, to which he responded that he thought I was criticizing his driving. This can be blamed in part on american english using 'you' instead of 'one' to refer to something in general (you should drive slowly vs. one should drive slowly), but since he's lived in this country for so long (born here), he should be familiar with that manner of speaking. I asked why he gets angry so easily, and he said it's because my mom always criticizes his every action and he's fed up with it. But in reality that's not the case. I'm in the room when he gets angry sometimes and he's not being criticized by anyone, let alone my mom specifically. It's almost like he's paranoid that he's being criticized all the time when he's really not :/ I really don't know what to do about this. This was a really nice evening and instead of being happy like I was at the end of the walk I'm just sad as I write this. I don't want to just leave it at "you don't have to speak to him once you move out" because my mom still has to deal with him at home and I want a better relationship with my dad. He can be seemingly fine/happy and then snap and start getting angry without warning. I really don't know what to do :( If anyone who is kind enough to read this whole thing has any advice, I'd really like to hear it. He's absolutely convinced that he's always being criticized (especially by my mom for whatever reason) and I just want him to at least stop and ask what someone means before he starts using this really mean and nasty tone that he uses when he thinks he's being verbally attacked. I'm really at a loss, and I'll confront him about it tomorrow since we planned to go out and get dinner, but any tips would be appreciated. I just don't want good experiences to be ruined anymore, and I don't think he's happy either if he thinks he's constantly being criticized :(