mango

i just.... i miss them already :(

the idea of true love and someone that loves you through thick n thin is just so, so, intoxicating. this manhwa is like my wildest fantasies and not even in a "id like to be rich and famous and hot" way, but just. being happy and fufilled. knowing that i am loved. being free from stereotypes. knowing that my future's going to be great, because i have things to look forward to.

i always project myself onto the characters in yaois i read, but it's always more for the sexual situation rather than the Life itself. often, i specifically avoid shounen-ai's because i really can't be bothered to get caught up in all the unrealistic drama and get invested in a character's life. but this one is different; on the outside, yeah it's fluffy and has minimal unnecessary drama, sure, but i think it truly just reflects a life i (and i'm sure most readers would agree) would kill to have. it just makes me so happy to see star & fanboy support eachother and continue to fall in love.

because life is, obviously, not that easy. people are crueler. love doesn't last. corruption is so common and hard to avoid. a life like this... even just a single aspect of it.... would be a dream come true. i'm about to go into college, pursuing a major that i am not too interested in, completely inexperienced with love & affection. fanboy shared some of these characteristics– but still... he found true happiness. his attributes, which some might consider negative (introverted, overly obsessed with a celebrity, interested in something that 99% of people will never achieve), still, somehow... worked out.

i assume cheomji finished it off with the implication that star & fanboy are going to be together forever. and their careers are only going to get better. they looked at each other and only found love. what a rare, wonderful opportunity.

this manhwa just... breaks my heart. in a GOOD way! it makes me want to write fanfics about them.... but it depresses me because i know i will never be this happy. with no care in the world.... it makes me sad because they have moved on, but i haven't.... i can no longer project myself upon them and imagine a future where everything is golden, because it's never going to be.

but on the other side, i feel so happy that even these fictional characters get to live a happy life. even in most yaois, there's still a fucked up society out there and also the characters are usually fucked up too.

this is off topic, but a content creator i really looked up to just did.. really shitty stuff. and it makes ya think. life just is never going to be perfect. no matter what, even if you somehow get your dream job or find the love of ur life, there will be so much heartbreak, so many times where you wonder , is it all worth it?

BUT STAR AND FANBOY ARE HAPPY!!! i am so jealous! obviously their future doesnt literally exist lmao, so its more like a schrodinger's cat thing, but i mean its pretty clear nothing's going to shake their lives up too bad. and oh , what i would give knowing that tomorrow is going to be wonderful....

perhaps this is just a restatement of what i said above. but this isn't so much me being depressed at my own existence; rather, it's me being grateful that these fictional characters are so happy.

NEW GOAL: BECOME RICH TO HIRE CHEOMJI