I saw an ad for this all the fucking time on Twitter, it was borderline inescapable, so I finally gave in and read it—and I'm so thankful I didn't just brush past that ad like I've done so many others.
This story begins with Kaoru, a high schooler who gets his thrills through fights, falling in love at first sight with the new student, Shun, having witnessed his fighting capabilities and instantly becoming enamored by it. By his own words, it was more than just love or admiration, but more like worship, as though Shun was a God. He had never seen a fight that brutal, a man that strong; it drew Kaoru in like a wave that had washed over him and brought him back into the sea. It was instant and intense.
Having fallen for him instantly, he also decides to confess instantly. At first, Shun turns him down, but after they end up kissing—which was Kaoru's first kiss—Shun walks back on what he said and ends up accepting Kaoru's proposal. The story then follows their relationship; at its core, it's a story of a new relationship between two young boys who jumped headfirst into something they hadn't properly prepared for. Which sounds angsty, yet in subversion of that, I found this story to actually be both really cute and quite sexy.
I thought this story was a breath of fresh air for the topics it loosely tackles. Shun is the first man Kaoru has had a crush on, he had never thought about men in any type of romantic or sexual context before meeting Shun and in the story, Kaoru acknowledges that, accepts it, and just moves on. It's not made into a whole "thing," there's no contrived angst about him having to come to terms with the fact that he's gay, there's no conflict amongst his friends. He accepts it as soon as he realizes it and I'm thankful for that; stories like that have their place but I do think quite a lot of authors make this an internal issue for these characters when it simply doesn't need to be. It's refreshing to see a man realize he's gay and not really question or agonize over it.
Kaoru and Shun are fucking great characters. I loved them. What I loved the most about them is probably that they both have this intensity to them, an intensity that shows itself in different ways between the two, yet connects them so perfectly.
In a way to explain it, Kaoru is a very bright character; he's loud, a man who isn't afraid to make noise and finds an almost puppy-like glee in fights. He's also someone who wears his emotions on his sleeve unapologetically and follows with his heart rather than his brain. He's a meathead. Shun on the other hand is a more dim character; he isn't very expressive, and he seems like the type of man who's quiet and calculating. It's a recurring joke that he knows things he's never been told. He's the type of man who takes what he wants when he wants it with a cold stare, yet he comes alive in a fight. Emotions seem almost foreign to him, I get the impression that his relationship and the feelings he has towards Kaoru are all new. Nothing shows the difference between them better than their eyes; Kaoru's eyes are so bright they sparkle, while Shun's are so dark they're an abyss.
As mentioned before, this story is mostly about Kaoru and Shun navigating their relationship, especially in the context of them diving head first into it despite really still being strangers to each other. That specific aspect mainly comes in during the last two to three chapters (out of five), with Kaoru realizing that he doesn't really know much about Shun. Shun seems to know so much about him and yet Kaoru doesn't know as much as what he likes and dislikes. It ignites feelings of jealousy and insecurity, which is only exasperated upon overhearing Shun talk about how he's not the relationship type. I have mixed feelings on that aspect of the plot, which I'll talk about in a minute, but the first few chapters were great. It's just the typical exploration that comes with a relationship—PDA, first times, etc. There are a few times when Kaoru is just so obnoxiously happy over Shun, it's tooth-rottingly sweet and I loved it.
. . . However, with what I mentioned before. I'm very torn. My biggest issue is that Kaoru has very valid insecurities, yet it's talked about and addressed in the middle of sex. I just hate that trope. I get it makes the sex scenes important and it's not OOC or anything, but I just don't like it conceptually regardless of the context. It's sex. It's porn. I wish Kaoru's insecurities were talked about more head-on either in an entirely different scene or after they fucked.
However, that did lead to the quote, "I want to see more. So pathetically cute . . . He should only let that little head of his be filled with thoughts and concerns about me." Which FUCKS. So it's not all bad.
Another thing, and this is purely just my personal opinion, is that I wish Shun had more focus. Just a little bit. For example, Shun knows so much about Kaoru despite never being told, and that's eventually something that flames Kaoru's insecurities. I wish we saw more with Shun & that aspect of his character considering it ends up actually affecting the plot. It implies he's an obsessive character yet we only get tiny glimpses of his obsessive personality and that's a huge shame imo. He's kind of creepy and I fucking love creepy men, so if there was more of a focus on that, this would've so easily been like a 10 / 10
