Sleeps In Sunbeams's manga / #Pain(2)

Contrary to many recent commenters, I enjoyed this story very much and did not see the FL as being weak or the MC as not having genuine feelings. Ellzay Thyase starts out as the reincarnated form of a young Korean girl who was drawn to the tragic destiny of the boy who yearned for love but surrendered to darkness, Azef Randall, from the novel ‘The Crest of God’. ‘Zay’ and ‘Asef’ are more closely tied together than you would think at first. For Zay, there is a desperation to spare the much abused Asef the loneliness and abuse of his existence that always corrupts his very soul and makes him the doomed villain. She seems so delicate because she has a gentle heart and cries for the villains fate. But given the severity and amount of abuse and neglect suffered by Asef over his life, and the joy that many seemed to take in being cruel to him, I think a strong (in the way of leaping in and taking charge) FL could not appeal. Consider how much of the violence done unto him was perpetrated by a woman who was meant to care for him. He needed a seemingly vulnerable and delicate woman who saw the good in him to stir any remnants of protective feelings he may have had. Someone who loved him for all he could and should have been, who saw through his lies and understood him anyway. The more you read the story and understand how deep their ties to each other are, the more you realise how strong the FL is. Always willing to sacrifice herself to ensure his happiness. The sad part though, is that you realise without Zay being in his life, Asef was unable to find happiness. He stays bound by the demons of his childhood. I won’t add any more spoilers to show why these two are so special together, or why you can trust Asef to treasure Zay before himself, but if you see him through her eyes as the story unfolds and understand that she will always do anything to try save him from loneliness, you will begin to understand the strength of her sacrifice and the depth of their love for each other.

CW: Violence, dub con, abuse, degradation This was a surprisingly good story. Misaki and Haru’s story spans roughly 8 years and shows a lot of growth in both the characters and (imo) the mangaka’s approach to and understanding of, a relationship with someone who is strongly masochistic. When we first meet the MCs Misaki was just discovering his affinity for pain, how he was able to make it become intense pleasure and the unhealthy ways he fulfilled this need. Haru was not a sadist so much as inherently short fused and reactively violent. Their relationship began with violence because giving and receiving it met different needs in each other but it was a very unhealthy relationship. Over time, it evolved and changed into something that suited them. For Haru, having someone who was in his corner seemed to bring out his “lovey dovey” side and he became aware that he didn’t want to hurt the one he cared for, but the one he cared for needed that. And, tbh, at times Haru did too. I really liked that each looked into what real S&M was about, healthier ways to satisfy those deep needs and seemed to really prioritise their partners needs. I also liked the hints that other random Ms out there seemed to instinctively recognise the S in Haru. He had a strong presence as he matured. They weren’t perfect (not even close lol) but they grew into an unexpectedly stable pair and they went from mutually toxic to a loving pair.