"Am I also serious? In the past, I would have these cheap misunderstandings with someone who appears to be my type. But from the beginning, this has been interesting. It felt like a game. However, this time, when tears pour out for my sake, I can't help but think Ryuuji is cuter. It's not a lie. Right now, I really love Ryuuji. I've fallen in love. However, the end came too quickly. Somehow, I predicted this. <...Say something.> *slap* What could have been said at this time? Ryuuji didn't want it, there was no other way. That day, inside me, will always be the 'memory' of Ryuuji. "However, I couldn't do it. I remember all of Ryuuji and compare it. No matter how many years pass, I look back to the same thing. Ryuuji's smile, the shape of his fingertips, the way his eyelashes cast shadows on his cheeks, and the warmth of his body when I held him... Why those times I couldn't let go of them with my hands. It's already been five years. Has he changed? Once again, we start from the beginning. Should I smile? Ryuuji, this time, there won't be any mistakes. There are my own feelings..." Why I disliked the seme: - He went out with the uke with half-hearted feelings. - He cheated on the uke with women, and didn't think it was that big of a deal back then because he wasn't serious about the uke. (He only realized that he must've fallen for the uke when he finally snapped and soon decided to leave him.) - He lied about Ryuu the cat being their exclusive secret. (C'mon, I bet the uke felt a bit happy that they shared a secret between them only to find out the next day that their female co-worker actually takes care of it, too. She's even allowed to come and go his apartment with the cat as an excuse.) - Above all, he only apologized for his past behavior when he saw the key and realized that the uke still cherished him after all these years. "It was bad to make you feel that way. I'm sorry." That's it! He was very passive in their relationship. Pain? Heartbreak? Agony? He must've felt miserable after that time, taking in a pitiful cat in the middle of the rain to sub for the guy who left him when it was also raining. But did he even do anything at all to redeem himself? No. Even when they reunited, he acted nonchalantly, and when he felt that he still affected the uke in some ways, he used it as a chance to get him back. I wish we were at least given more glimpses during the 5-year separation to see how the seme changed. Did he date others after they broke up, but somehow those didn't work and he became single just in time when the uke came back? Or did he take the break up as a chance for him to become a better person, (clinging only to the cat to make up for hurting the uke) so he never dated anyone again in hopes to meet the uke in the future? I'd like to delude myself and believe it's the latter, but I wouldn't really know. He never even cared to look for the uke, apologize, and ask for a chance to prove himself trustworthy again. He simply assumed that the uke will not take him back anymore because he got tired of his whims. ===== "That person monopolized me. I was the only one who gave myself. But still... That time, I really loved that person. Even after we said goodbye, I still kept that key. It was painful and many times, I've wanted to throw it away but couldn't do it. It's a part of me I have to carry, and there's nothing I can do about it. Right now, there's nothing that can save me. I know I can't go anywhere. But still, that b*st*rd hurt me! If only that person always loved me, then I wouldn't have tried to forget these past five years. But then we meet again as if by chance. However... D*mnit! Why does this all have to get dredged up? "...How did I end up like this? ...He said it like that, but Baba-san's face looks so happy. But this person... When did this person have such kind eyes? My memories of him are different. It's kind of unsettling. Keep it together, Ryuuji. Do I realize that five years have passed? That man was just after my body. I love him but it's just too painful. However... If he's changed from the past..? If that's the case... "It's painful. He always puts me against this wall. One, just one certainty. And, in the end, he steals my heart. Those words, shake down the last of my reserve. I can't stop this again? Hey, Baba-san, this is cruel. What am I doing? I had fallen again. I'm such an idi*t... What? That look. It's not the Baba-san I know. Is he serious? Should I believe him? " <...Ryuuji.> ... Five years ago, I should have said those words, but my st*pid pride got in the way. It's taken me to reunite again to realize the meaning of those words. But right now, I'll blame it on the fever. Right now, I'm entirely not myself. I'm only existing within the core of my heart. I'm so in love with you!" Why I disliked the uke: - He was very weak. There is a limit to martyrdom, you know? The way he said that he doesn't care even if the seme lies, as long as he stays with him pissed me off. I get that this happens in real life, too. Like, when someone falls too deeply in love that they would endure their lover having affairs as long as they won't be completely abandoned. I had hopes for him, because he actually had the courage to break it off with the seme after being cheated on, despite being so in love with him 5 years ago. So why did he become even weaker 5 years later? How could he just accept the seme again when he suffered all those years clinging on that love? How could he melt just by seeing the seme's changed expression when he didn't even do anything else for him? I mean, what did he even do? He simply gave him back the key and let him decide if he'd take him back when he already felt and knew how much the uke still loved him (He realized this after seeing his key, didn't he?). Hmm, how do I say it? I dislike cheating, but I can tolerate it if I can see that the cheater actually showed remorse or suffered from his act, and proved his sincerity before getting back together with that lover. I liked the art, though, and I really liked the main plot (See how I even extracted a lot of their lines because they give out certain feeling.). I just hoped that after their separation, they really learned their lesson and changed. After all, there is no perfect relationship. People need to learn from their mistakes, grow up, and prove their partner how much they changed and are willing to do better things so as not to repeat the same mistake.
Hageshii Ame