kei_k's manga / #seke(6)

It was nice to see a versatile seme, Miyama. I liked how even though he accepted Nishina into his life again, he's aware of the fact that he can't fully trust him again because he was already abandoned in the past. They were opposites in high school. While Nishina was cautious about how others saw their relationship, Miyama didn't care as much, and only wanted to openly express his feelings for Nishina. They were mutually in love, but because Nishina was instilled with the principles of the "normal way of life," from the start, he decided that their love was only temporary since they couldn't get married or have kids, and they'll definitely be shunned by the society. In Nishina's POV, Miyama was too reckless, not thinking of the consequences ahead and only focusing on the present, thus, being inconsiderate of him. In Miyama's POV, it could be that Nishina was too mindful of others and how they'll be perceived, that he becomes inconsiderate of Miyama's feelings. I feel like the story is deeper than how others may see it from the first time it's read. It's quite short, but the author was able to deliver complex feelings and emotions.

Tamura x Yuri | Yuri x Tamura

I'm very conflicted about how I feel about this manga because it feels too deep, yet some of the characters reasoning seem illogical to me. I really liked how Youji matured from his bratty self. In the early chapters, I disliked how he was hating on Hirose's complicated feelings, and he ended up being in the same predicament. Since he had this sense of responsibility to rescue Ren, he felt that he needed to do something for him and started acting strange after Hirose let him in on what he's getting himself into. So when he kissed Ren at night while they drank, then kissed Hiromi (his gf) the next day, I was pissed off. When he told Ren he liked him (despite still being confused with his feelings), I thought he'd break it off with his gf right away. I mean, at this point, Ren or the others would advise not to, since Youji's not even sure of his feelings yet. However, it's unfair for Hiromi to have him continue date her while he thought of another person. He was very insensitive about the ring, too. Well, anyway, it's good that he at least had the decency to break up not long after. I was glad that Ren didn't accept him immediately, too. As the manga goes further, we see that Youji learns more about homosexual relationships and he's slowly healing Ren while being mature and keeping his composure; reminding himself that liking Ren is enough, at least for now. Ren really acted like an adult. When he went over to Hirose's house and said that he still loved him, I was disappointed, but I kind of understood. He's never really gotten over him, so it's just that he started to acknowledge his feelings. It was brave of him to stop running away and refuse Hirose despite his lingering affections. What I didn't like was how he reasoned out that he's doing Youji a favor by not crossing the line, and instead goes around sleeping with others. Sure, he's still unsure about his feelings for Youji and he felt pressured that he can't reciprocate the same feelings he expected. However, I simply do not understand how sleeping around, and coming home to Youji, who could possibly smell him and know what he's doing, would help his situation. He's trying to run away from Youji to prevent him from being hurt, but what he's actually doing only hurt Youji more. Ugh. I dunno. Even in the last "rape" scene where he claimed he wasn't abused and he felt pleasure from the body, I just couldn't understand. I thought he'd given up his feelings for Hirose when he started touching Youji... But I guess his feelings just don't vanish that easily. And as he said, his body truly remembered the pleasure they shared all those times they were together. This made me worried though. It's as if he'd give in to Hirose anytime since it's only physical pleasure anyway. In short, it's as if Ren didn't give much importance to the physical aspect of the relationship. I wish he cherished it more. Especially when he finally accepted Youji... How can he simply enjoy it because he pitied Hirose? Why didn't he try to resist simply because he pitied Hirose? How could he even be sure that he'd be released even after doing all that? In a way, he did betray Youji that time. Ahhh, but he was actually honest to Youji about this, but since Youji's the one chasing him, he could only accept it.. In the end, I guess I wished that Ren expressed more of his love for Youji because he seemed too passive. I get that he was hurt and it took him long to get over it, but I thought that when he knew about Youji's trouble, he'd be more active and all. I think he's been too spoiled by Youji... Ugh. Really, I just can't get over the fact that he still willingly went with Hirose's desperation. Well, he said he no longer hold lingering affections now. I just hope that it's true, and that he'd never sleep around again or allow others to kiss him easily. He's too nonchalant about this. He should think about how his partner would feel more. After all, Youji's one of a kind for him, so he shouldn't let him go by being st*pid like that.

Would've appreciated Mookyul more if he were drawn better.. I mean, he's not consistent. There are a lot of times when I know I'm supposed to find him hot, but somehow, there's something not right with the way he's drawn.. I mean, even Fox Jung looks hotter than him. Anyway, as I said, I'm not very tolerant about cheating. It really made me furious to know that even after they loved together, Mookyul still had sex with Pres. and what, he made it out like it's not a big deal since it's not the same he holds Ewon. I mean, F! Even I would get mad. But oh well. I admire Ewon for having the guts to stay firm in staying away from Mookyul even if he was so hurt, because if he just accepted it as it is, he'd never be satisfied.. Not after he's finally letting himself fall in love. He just can't share him like that. I really liked that. I even forgive him for sleeping around (though I'm usually opposed to this) because in their case, Mookyul wouldn't have really understood how Ewon felt if he didn't do it. He wanted Mookyul to feel what it's like to have their lover sleep with another person even without love, just like what he's been doing, and planned to continue doing to him. Ewon was like it's all or nothing. When Mookyul left him after saying he still hasn't changed his mind and wouldn't abandon the Pres, my heart broke with Ewon's. It's like, he even went as far as to sleep around (which he stopped doing after Mookyul punished him once) even after he finally gave his heart to him, so he felt betrayed. He thought Mookyul will finally choose him now that he understood what it felt like.. So yeah, good job, Ewon! Well, I'd say I also pity Mookyul, because he was torn between the two guys he loved. He can't just abandon the Pres because if it weren't for him, he probably wouldn't be even alive and meet Ewon again. However, it was also hard for him to give up on Ewon because it was the first time Mookyul felt that he really wanted to possess someone completely. He wanted to love and be loved by Ewon. It was a choice he made by himself. However, as he's still shackled, he can't completely love Ewon because he can't just leave. It may seem unfair to him, too, since he's torn like that, but I can't sympathize with him so much because he still lied. I mean, Ewon already expressed how he was afraid of the complexities of love so he wanted to know how it really is with Pres, but Mookyul just had to say that whatever the Pres and he had, IT WAS ALREADY IN THE PAST AND HE'S THE ONLY ONE FOR HIM NOW. Just how was Ewon supposed to take that, when he found out that even after he boldly confesses like that, Mookyul actually hadn't stopped having sex with Pres? It's just messed up. Well, I get that Mookyul's embarrassed that he's whoring himself to Pres so he didn't want Ewon to know, but how could he expect a sincere relationship with Ewon if he couldn't even be honest with him? Ugh. I was really hurt during their "break up" scenes... So I felt relieved when Mookyul finally decided to go all out for Ewon.

start: 02/15/19 fin: 02/17/19 ~ I'm not sure how to rate this one.. Reading this was confusing and frustrating at times, but I can understand why it took them so long and done so much just to be together. This totally lives up to that relationship status: It's Complicated. This manga shows how scary love is. In fear that a romantic relationship may not last long, just like their past relationships, they agree to stay as friends and pretend that they don't know of each other's feelings. After all, having a one-sided love yet being together seems more appealing than having it reciprocated but still breaking up sooner or later. They keep their "love" in the boundary that does not cross the romantic relationship (which they both had - with women), to maintain the status quo - being together and feeling "unrequited love" deep within. Personally, I think I feel more comfortable being in an unrequited love, too, rather than being in an actual relationship because when you commit, you subconsciously expect to receive the same things you give. And when you feel like you give so much more than you receive, you feel disappointed and may even start doubting if you really should stay with that person. But if you are in an unrequited love, you'd still hurt. But at least, you have an excuse that it's totally expected and you don't desire more. Greed and jealousy. The more you love, the more you may feel insecure, if you yourself are incomplete. Unlike with unrequited love, you feel like you have the right to be greedy for your partner's time and feelings. You feel it's natural to feel jealous when your partner gives attention to someone else. You feel that that person should belong solely to you, just as you devote yourself solely to him. But guess what, the world is so much bigger than the two of you. So in order to fight alongside that person and make your relationship survive 'til the end, you should first learn to accept and love yourself. Even the sides of you that you never expected to have. You can't please everybody, and when you love, you can't avoid hurting someone. You just have to bear with it and choose wisely. .