Caught Reading Yaoi

have y'all ever had a flashback or somn similar,, i was listening to a random song while reading, and out of nowhere i found myself somewhere new looking up to a tall building while a man was smiling at me, and then he jumped off that building and the next thing i know he was on the floor dead and i was crying while screaming "come back don't leave me please" and after that, I was in my room crying and shaking, anyways every time i think about it i start trembling and it's not like i want to keep thinking about it, it's always on my mind.

Give 2 words that starts with 'f'