Need Mental Health Help

I think I have some issues with my mental health and stuff and I wanna bring it up to my mom but I don’t wanna sound corny or stuff and I’m rlly rlly afraid of my mom telling my sisters cause thats what she always does. So for more context, I’ve been to the psychiatrist before cause I wanted to get tested for a condition, but I just got prescribed an antidepressant which I got taken out of by another psychiatrist and referred to a psychologist for an iq test for some reason???? Anyway, my mom doesn’t believe in psychiatrists. Oh yea and 2 of the psychiatrists I went to say they're certain I have social anxiety or some sort of social disorder but my mom firmly says I don’t. I also go back and forth on this since my social anxiety is kinda like situational

First time being diagnoses with mental issues was 4 years ago, when i was in high school. Everything felt wrong but i don't know what's actually wrong. Could've been my family, my social (although i was never socialized), or myself. Mental health problem is running down in my family. My dad has it, my grandpa has it, my aunt has it. So it's not something new. But the fact that they think nothing is wrong with me was unbelievable. Say, if you saw your daughter banging her head so hard at 2 a.m., crying, and screaming bcs in her head some voices order her to kill herself, wasn't the first think in mind is something wrong with your daughter?. At first, my parent was concern. But then they just stopped being care. I was gaslighted, even when i was on medication, they keep pushing me off. Said i was just seeking attention. Then, should i die first? I was desperate. I want to live. Even when i told them i've been sexually harrassed by a man, they're laughing. When i'm in the shower, not yet done, they're banging the door as if i'm not allowed cleaning myself. I'm losing hopes. I'm still in college, no saving, no income, no friends, no relation to anybody. What should i do?

Tell me why all of a sudden, my mental health is spiraling out of control and I'm scared of everything. I hate myself all the time but I'm really trying to not, but I don't know how to. I guess this what I get for ignoring all my problems in high school. I can't believe I was "healthier" when I was rotting on Mangago as opposed to interacting with the real world.