Become Gay

So I have been having like major gender disphoria lately. Like I was born a girl and I have always embraced that. I love wearing makeup and going semi girly shit but lately I've been thinking about all of that. As if it was an act for my parents because they always wanted a daughter. Like I seriously want to be a guy at times but I feel like if I were to get a gender reassignment surgery, I would regret it. And I also feel that if I were to tell my parents and say I want the surgery they would hate me. Because my mom always likes to say girls should be girls and boys should be boys and you are the gender you were born as and nothing changes that. So I genuinely feel as though she would hate me. I just need help with this because I literally can't talk to anyone about this so please give me some advice