i put up a bubbly and social act around other people but i’m naturally shy and introverted. so when people get to know me, they get the wrong impression because i switch from “omg!! let’s be friends! let’s hug pls hold my hand!!!” to “please do not interact with me.” it’s not like i try to be cold however i’m avoidant due to trust issues and my fear of rejection always prevents me from getting too close.
a lot of people wanted to date me in the past but they couldn’t adjust to my sudden change in behavior. i’m unaffectionate and i distance myself and often times i come off as annoyed or irritable. so many people believe i’m uninterested or i’m angry at them. so often i can’t really let my introverted personality show and i’m forced to be upbeat and happy 24/7. it’s exhausting and i can’t mentally keep up with the pace. it’s so tiring. and if i show how i actually am, people get the wrong idea.
i feel like it makes me come off as two faced in a way. my friends, even my best friends, know little about me. in fact, most of them don’t even know my birthday or favorite color. our whole friendship is tied together with a string of lies and fake feelings. i feel like i’m already to deep in there to express my true thoughts about things. they don’t truly know me and they like how “perfect” i am. they like how i’m so “clean and organized” and how i complete assignments with ease. they enjoy my patience and my willingness to help others. so if i show any flaws, i feel like i’ll be hated.
i’m not perfect. my room is a mess and i struggle having the motivation throw away trash properly. i cheated on all of those paperwork and i rarely turn in my work on time. i’m hotheaded and i get frustrated easily. i’m judgmental and i suffer from a superiority complex and i’m selfish.
