Abusive family

I was in a abusive family relationship. I was very suicidal in middle school around 2015 and my parents would beat me for little things. My mom was always the one to beat me when my father wasn't there but when he was, it was even worse. One time my father picked me up from my legs while my mom would kick me and punch me. I was only in seventh grade and I didn't know how to cope with my family. So i started to self harm. It was like that until eight grade when they found out. They hit me and told me if I did it again they would send to a psych ward. I was scared and I didn't want to go so I stopped cutting. But things just kept getting worst from there. My only life line left me and told me that I wasn't needed. But i kept going, I was too scared to die. When I entered high school I tried my best to live normal, while when I went back home my parents would always start something with me saying that I owe them my life. I had finally snap when my father brought a stick and beat me with it. After I yelled and left out of the house. My dad didn't follow after me. I had no shoes only socks and it was around 1 o'clock in January. I didn't care anymore so I remember walking all the way to a bridge that was about 30 minutes away walking. I was really going to jump but I don't know why but at that moment I saw the moon and it was really bright and beautiful. So I just broke down crying. I always considered myself a coward and not worthy but looking at the moon gave me a sense of comfort. So I walked to my cousin house. Turns out my parents were looking for me and contacted my whole family. I went home because I was scared of them and I did't want to get into more trouble. Surprisingly enough they didn't say anything and they went to bed. I thought things would now what they started to do was beat me and then say sorry afterwards. I really hated them. They would see me cry and yell for no more but after they were done they would caress my head and say sorry. I am still emotionally scarred and I am traumatize. My depression would get bad when it's triggered or my anxiety would go off the roof. I am still trying to suppress all the bad thoughts by reading manga or just take a shower. I moved out when I turned 18 in July and now I live with a friend. I had some savings from my uncle and he also helped me find a job and apartment with my friend. So yeah I'm still trying to heal and move on but it's hard. So yeah! I am getting better!!!