rant, might be long idk

cw: shane dawson, depression, wishing harm on someone

I used to watch Shane, religiously. I adored him, he was my idol, my everything. He was my favourite youtuber ever, literally. I would never miss a single upload from Shane's channel. I knew people didn't like him but back then I was a dumb child that could very easily be manipulated. I thought all the people calling him racist and other things were over exagerating. Past me would automatically forgive a content creator if they simply replied "no, that's false" to any sort of accusation. It's pretty cringe but I was 14, don't blame me.

Then the whole twitter thing happened in 2020, where Shane got exposed for a shit load of stuff. I'd already stopped watching for a while because his content wasn't interresting anymore. He was just milking the beauty community to the ground, he isn't even good a makeup in the first place. I was very mad, like genuinly furious. The same man I looked up too when my life was spiraling down more and more into depression, turns out to be a disguting pedophile? a crusty zoophile? a fucking racist cunt? It made me loose hope in any content creator on any social media platform.

The part that made me the most angry at Shane was the whole "I'm and empath" thing. Now that I look back and realise how fucking dumb he sounded saying that, I just want to strangle him to bits and literally just kill the cat-fucker. Who the fuck goes around flexing that they are an empath? who? nobody. empathy is a curse, trust me. I, as an actual empath, hate being an empath. I cannot recount the amount of times I've cried because someone cried, the amount of times i've felt someone's physical pain, the amount of times i've felt happy because someone else was happy, the amount of times i've been able to read someone's emotions and tell that they didn't feel good that day and proceed to not feel good too. I hate it so fucking much. If I had to be honest, empathy gave me depression. You might be confused because I talked about how I fantasize about killing people sometimes but I can switch up pretty fast. The whole "killing people" thing is mostly about people who have hurt me. I'd still feel bad after doing the deed but in complete honesty, I'd be quite happy if I did it. Being an empath sucks. So me seeing Shane talk about how he is an "empath" really fucking angers me. He is no empath, he probably doesn't even know what being an empath actually is. As an empath, I could never be friends with a man like Jeffree Star. That man is a mess, he ruins people's lives like a lie count on a trump speech. If Shane was really an empath he'd never be friends with him in the first place.

This was long but I just thought of this after reppressing it into my brain and had to get it off my chest