I kinda need help .... I'm a 17 years old college student I don't what's wrong with me but I'm in a some sort of emotional crisis for so many years now the thing is that I believe I have a twist personality or something When I'm with my siblings I'm so mean and harsh I always yell at them for no reason I get mad for all insignificant stuff like food for example but I really love them truly we are so close I always have a great time with them and when I try to convey my feelings like that I just can't and in the end I'm the one who ways get hurt Same goes for my parents I love them but I'm so harsh when I'm speaking to them they always say " I don't know where things went wrong but maybe we didn't educate u properly" not only am I rude to parents but also to my their friends and uncles and Aunt it's just that I always speak up what's right on my mind don't think about the other person It's me and me all the time I think of it's just that I can't control it I'm so egoistic and selfish On the other hand I always cry when anything happens to them I'm so sensitive i get hurt so easily like for example when my mum travels for a week I cry so hard before she leaves I always thing that would be the last time I would see her I also lost my grandparents and up until now I cry from time to time alone In college I'm friendly with everyone and nice and so polite with everyone and my siblings always asks how I even have friends and all I hate to stay alone the most I feel so uneasy whenever I'm alone that's why I try my best to know everyone ND portray a perfect personality And yeas I sometimes get hurt because of those "friends" and obviously I cry for the most stupid thing I ways ask myself " why did they do that do they hate did I do a mistake but I didn't do anything they don't like ..." It's srly so suffocating cuz most of the time I realize they are using me cuz I'm smart ( not to brag but yeah kind of) it feels like I want everyone to need to need me or something I don't recall having real friends cuz we always travel because of my dad's work the people I'm close to the most is my family of course But I'm such a dick / trash to them at some point they got used to me they don't whine anymore Lately since I'm started college I'm kinda getting worse I'm ways fidgety and stressed I have anxiety because of my finals but I guess it's more than that Im so emotionally unstable I don't know who to tell this ... If you are reading this I don't know you but thanks for taking time to read
I would suggest going to talk to a therapist (which sounds weirdly condescending, but really, I go to one all the time and it's helpful). It might be something like bipolar disorder or another mood disorder, but then again it could just be the environment you're in. I'd definitely go see someone about it, though; you can't solve a problem if you don't even fully understand what the problem is.
Well I won't repeat whathas been said in the previous comments, I just wanted to add that maybe, since you feel like you're acting rudely with your parents / siblings and it seems you don't want to but then can't stop to do so and then feel remorse, I think it mighht be a good idea to write them each a letter to tell them how you feel ? At least you'd be certain your real feelings are conveyed.
I think that this is simply the result of bad habits. First of all, if you accept the Holy Spirit into your heart, he can begin to transform your heart, and you will find yourself having supernatural joy. But I understand, I find it hard to respect my family even though I really love them. I would just pray about it, and ask God to help you be more honest with your family. Start small if you need to, as small as "thank you" here and there, or even as small as a smile. You may be past this point, but just do simple, little acts of kindness and positivity and I think you will find yourself gradually becoming more comfortable with expressing your real feelings.
Since preaching is inappropriate here, I'd like to ask why you're on this site. Do you read yaoi? or shoujo? Shouldn't you be reading your bible over and over again instead?
I know you may be sick of hearing this, but first of all, I do agree with previous comments about seeking professional counselling. You have the courage to admit to yourself that you have some innate problems, which is the first step to self betterment.
That aside, you sound like my younger brother a few years ago, and also like some of my students. I am by no means a psychological professional, so don't take what I am about to say as anything other than encouragement.
Looking at your actions and your thoughts, it seems like you are finding yourself in a crisis about your identity, and you lack confidence in yourself because of that.
Currently, you see yourself as a nice, helpful student in your college life, but find yourself to be very harsh to your family and family friends. You think it is because of your ego that you treat them harshly. One thing you might want to consider is this: Why do you feel the need to be egoistic around your family? Is there something you are trying to prove? If so, what is it?
In social situations at school, you see yourself doing a 180 and being the nicest, most helpful student. Yet, you seem to feel that your efforts are not being appreciated enough. Rethink your interactions with your peers: are they really that unappreciative, or is that just what you interpret? All in all, you may be thinking they don't appreciate your efforts because you lack confidence in yourself. You undermine your own efforts and project that onto your interactions with your peers and family, which in turn leads you to feel like they all don't appreciate you.
I know this just feels like some self-righteous blabbering from some random person on the internet, but I hope it would still help point you in some direction. I can't necessarily say it's the "right" one, because what is "right" varies from person to person. All I can say is, it's all up to you. Remember: life is for living. Money is for spending. It's how you use both that can make or break you.
I understand what you're going through. Although I'm slightly younger, I've also noticed my split personality only I tend to conceal it by staying quiet and nonsocial, because I'm afraid of what I might say or do. All I can advise you is to keep fighting through the emotional changes. Sometimes, when I feel myself starting to get fiery towards family or friends, I excuse myself and go to a secluded place like my bedroom or bathroom. Writing in journals also helps and so does listening to the music that matches how you feel. Overthinking isn't healthy yet its something so many people struggle with. And don't worry, staying nonchalant is a lot harder than it sounds, especially during finals week. Hope this helped.
It seems like you are either going through depression or anxiety or possibly both. I only say this because I have both and what you described is exactly what I went through. Sometimes when you have depression it causes you to lash out or become extremely irritable towards the people that you are around the most or hold dear to you. I'd definitely recommend for you to see a doctor, or therapist that can diagnose you and come up with a plan for you.
It's amazing that you are reaching out and asking for help and that takes so much strength and courage to put yourself out there.
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I would suggest going to talk to a therapist (which sounds weirdly condescending, but really, I go to one all the time and it's helpful). It might be something like bipolar disorder or another mood disorder, but then again it could just be the environment you're in. I'd definitely go see someone about it, though; you can't solve a problem if you don't even fully understand what the problem is.
Well I won't repeat whathas been said in the previous comments, I just wanted to add that maybe, since you feel like you're acting rudely with your parents / siblings and it seems you don't want to but then can't stop to do so and then feel remorse, I think it mighht be a good idea to write them each a letter to tell them how you feel ? At least you'd be certain your real feelings are conveyed.
I think that this is simply the result of bad habits. First of all, if you accept the Holy Spirit into your heart, he can begin to transform your heart, and you will find yourself having supernatural joy. But I understand, I find it hard to respect my family even though I really love them. I would just pray about it, and ask God to help you be more honest with your family. Start small if you need to, as small as "thank you" here and there, or even as small as a smile. You may be past this point, but just do simple, little acts of kindness and positivity and I think you will find yourself gradually becoming more comfortable with expressing your real feelings.
Since preaching is inappropriate here, I'd like to ask why you're on this site. Do you read yaoi? or shoujo? Shouldn't you be reading your bible over and over again instead?
I know you may be sick of hearing this, but first of all, I do agree with previous comments about seeking professional counselling. You have the courage to admit to yourself that you have some innate problems, which is the first step to self betterment.
That aside, you sound like my younger brother a few years ago, and also like some of my students. I am by no means a psychological professional, so don't take what I am about to say as anything other than encouragement.
Looking at your actions and your thoughts, it seems like you are finding yourself in a crisis about your identity, and you lack confidence in yourself because of that.
Currently, you see yourself as a nice, helpful student in your college life, but find yourself to be very harsh to your family and family friends. You think it is because of your ego that you treat them harshly. One thing you might want to consider is this: Why do you feel the need to be egoistic around your family? Is there something you are trying to prove? If so, what is it?
In social situations at school, you see yourself doing a 180 and being the nicest, most helpful student. Yet, you seem to feel that your efforts are not being appreciated enough. Rethink your interactions with your peers: are they really that unappreciative, or is that just what you interpret? All in all, you may be thinking they don't appreciate your efforts because you lack confidence in yourself. You undermine your own efforts and project that onto your interactions with your peers and family, which in turn leads you to feel like they all don't appreciate you.
I know this just feels like some self-righteous blabbering from some random person on the internet, but I hope it would still help point you in some direction. I can't necessarily say it's the "right" one, because what is "right" varies from person to person. All I can say is, it's all up to you. Remember: life is for living. Money is for spending. It's how you use both that can make or break you.
I understand what you're going through. Although I'm slightly younger, I've also noticed my split personality only I tend to conceal it by staying quiet and nonsocial, because I'm afraid of what I might say or do. All I can advise you is to keep fighting through the emotional changes. Sometimes, when I feel myself starting to get fiery towards family or friends, I excuse myself and go to a secluded place like my bedroom or bathroom. Writing in journals also helps and so does listening to the music that matches how you feel. Overthinking isn't healthy yet its something so many people struggle with. And don't worry, staying nonchalant is a lot harder than it sounds, especially during finals week.
Hope this helped.
You may need to go seek counseling. You may have something you may need help for. It never hurts to seek help.
It seems like you are either going through depression or anxiety or possibly both. I only say this because I have both and what you described is exactly what I went through. Sometimes when you have depression it causes you to lash out or become extremely irritable towards the people that you are around the most or hold dear to you. I'd definitely recommend for you to see a doctor, or therapist that can diagnose you and come up with a plan for you.
It's amazing that you are reaching out and asking for help and that takes so much strength and courage to put yourself out there.