A dream about real life. Taking a seat back and watching the movie of your life

I had this dream on the eve of January 1st that really hit like a boulder.

Before that though, I just wanna say that I could always control what happens in my dreams. There are moments that I have no control over it besides my dream character, but I always regain control either at the middle of it or after I realized that it was a dream.

Anyways, the dream started and I knew it immediately, but at the same time, I also realized that I had no control over it. The reason why I knew that was because I didn't know what will happen next and no matter how much I try to change it, it doesn't.

I was standing at the entrance of a hybrid mall. Hybrid because it was a combination of the three malls that exist in our town. For some reasons, I knew this after I saw the malll and I also knew which malls were combined.

The thing is, when I realized this, I also realized the setting of the dream. It was on the town that I really hate, but also where most of my friends are now working.

I entered the mall, and noticed that I was with some friends from college. They were talking to each other and I was just there walking alongside, not joining in the conversation. When we entered, there were three halls, mall 'A' was at the end of the hall left, mall 'B' was infront, and 'C' is at the end of hall right.

I wanted to go to mall 'A' because it was where my bestfriend was working (in real life too) but my college friends was going to mall 'B' so I just followed them. I was lagging behind them and I didn't interrupt their conversation mostly because I didn't know what to talk about and also because I don't know how to join.

At this point, I knew that I'm dreaming/seeing what is actually happening in my life. That's why I didn't have any control of the dream, because the dream was showing me myself and the thoughts that I have.

So we arrived at the end of the hall, and when I opened it, there was a meeting happening inside. I saw a highschool friend and for a moment I wanted to call out to her but then thought that I shouldn't interrupt her because she's busy. So I closed the door and walked away.

I went back to the entrance and noticed that my college friends weren't there anymore. I was alone.

I then decided to go to mall 'A' to see my bestfriend. I entered the mall and was looking around the different shops. As I was roaming around, I walked passed several college, highschool and elementary classmates. I knew that if I just called out to them, they'll notice me and say hi back. But I didn't. I didn't because I knew that they were all busy with there lives now and I shouldn't interrupt. So I stayed quite and continued to walk past them. Some of them even walk passed inches away from me and still I didn't call out and just continued walking.

Then I came across this baking shop that sells bread that are fried in oil-filled cauldrons. Even though it was just a dream, I could feel the heat coming inside the shop and smell the deliciousness of chocolate breads and other sweet pastries. It was really good that for a moment I forgot that it was a dream because of how real those sensation felt (Like seriously, the smell was so real I had to force my self not to jump to conclusions, even though I have this belief that dreams are a window to different realities from different dimensions).

But I didn't go in and instead continued roaming around mall 'A' and look for the shop where my bestfriend worked, all the time walking past people that I knew, from family to mere acquaintances.

Then I got tired of walking and my social anxiety was already at it's peak so I decided to go back to the bakery and buy a fried chocolate bread. When I entered the shop to find a place to sit, I saw a lot of customers, seems like fried bread is popular.

Luckily, there was still a free chair, unfortunately there were already other people sitting on the other chairs so it means that I had to ask them if I could share the free sit.

My stomach said yes, everything else said no, and my social anxiety said drop the plate and hide from all these people. I followed the last advice.

I dropped the steaming fried chocolate bread and went to the aisles of pastries to hide. I decided that's where I'll spend the rest of the day.

As I was looking at the delicious pastries, I noticed a door at the side of the shop. When I opened it, I immediately knew that it was called the "Hall of Rooms". It was a hall, with doors on each side. I realized that this was like a school hall and the doors led to a classroom. The hall looked endless.

I was walking on the hall when I noticed a particular door on my right. It resembled all the other doors in the hall but for some reasons I knew that if I opened it, I'll find my bestfriend. I got excited, and was about to open it when I remembered that she's busy with work. I stopped. I dropped my hands, turned around and walked away. I don't want to interrupt because she's busy with her life.

When I was near the exit, I noticed a doorless room. There was a sign at the top that says "Thr Evil Club". I thought, maybe this is where I belong. I expected to see the weird people. Occult stuff, emos, the outcasts and all the strange and 'unfit for normal society' types. I was wrong. When I looked inside the room, I saw my classmates. Classmates from elementary and highschool and college who were either so rich or so beautiful and handsome or so genius, or so high up the hierarchy.

I don't belong there.

I immediately went out of the hall, the mall, and went home.

As I was sleeping on my dream bed, I thought, I'll try again tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow, I'll call out to them? Maybe my bestfriends will call out to me or ice versa? Maybe tomorrow I'll be part of that mall, of their world.

I slept with hope, woke up and took the motorela (a type of Philippine passenger ride) going to the mall.

I was lost in thought when I noticed the other passengers. There was two guys and a girl across from me and two guys beside me.

For some reasons, I knew that the guy beside me was friends with the two guys sitting across from us. When I looked at the two guys, I had this impressions that they were amazingly handsome and very, very good looking. So I thought that maybe the guy beside me is also very handsome and hot.

I really want to take a peek but I was too shy. This was all I could think of the whole ride and I didn't noticed that there was already too much passenger that I was squished at the end of the sit and the guy besides me is literally pushed against me (TBH, this happens in real life too. Philippine passenger rides are always filled beyond capacity, emphasis on beyond).

I was hyperventilating and panicking because the face of the guy beside me was literally inches away from me and I could literally feels his breath on my neck and just like before, this felt way too real to the point that I could feel irl a warm breath on my neck.

Panic mode on. A handsome hot guy pushed against my side and if I turn my head I knew we'll "accidentally" kiss because our faces are inches apart. Of course I'll turn my head, what other choice do I have? xD

So we kissed, and HE FRICKING KISSED ME BACK, and it was the most amazing kiss I ever had, both in the dream and in real life. It also felt so fricking real! No joke, I could feel the softness of his lips against mine, the warmth and the taste... oh gods I forgot it was a dream. It was more real than any reality. If others describe their magnificent kiss as dreams, then I'm describing mine as real even thought it's a dream. TBH.

The kiss ended, and he smiled at me, and I fell in love and I knew he's same guy that I always dream of in every dream I had. The one I call Dev, my soulmate (don't laugh, it's real)

I was so preoccupied that I missed the mall, but I didn't care because finally, I felt that I belonged here beside him. I still wished that my friends and family could have known about it, but I already made the choice of staying with him going wherever we should stop.

We arrived at a subdivision that looked like a forest, more tress than houses.

We entered a house and it was our home. I was suddenly shivering at this point because it was so cold (both in the dream and in real life). While cuddling on the bed, he said something to me, and this was the first words that I heard in the whole dream.

He asked me, "Do you know what we are?"

And the answer suddenly came out of nowhere... we are dead. The reason why my college friend didn't talk to me, or why everyone else just walked past me, was because I was dead.

Both of us, along with his two friends, were dead, and we're all together...

I finally felt I belonged. I felt contented and we slept... that's also when I woke up. It was morning already.

That same day, when I checked facebook, I saw a post that said, "In japan, there's a belief that the first dream you have on new year will determine your luck for the whole year."

Coincidence? Maybe. But that dream was...

Then the next day, I read a book titled, "They Both Die at thd End" by Adam Silvera and day after reading finishing that book I read another titled "At the Edge of the Universe" by Shaun David Hutchinson.

One was about death and love, the other was acceptance but was set on a world that questions reality.