can anyone tell me??

i talked to my bestfriend, we lost touch for 3 years. Its good at first, she listen to me like no one ever did, then i just felt like ... fuck shes too good for me, i totally dont deserve to be friends with her, her friends was so much better than me, she definitely like her new friends more than me, she definitely hates me and thinks i am annoying for being so clingy, and i blocked her. I think i like her but im not sure if this is just me being anxious to losing her because i consider her soulmate yknow.. (shes annoying smtimes but its okay<3)
and also like she triggers me in a bad way?? sometimes i would have an attack bc i was thinking of her(that sometimes lead to sh) which is why i was thinking maybe cutting her off is the best option after all. wdyt?please a joke in the reply if fine also im just distracting myself rn