I haven't talked to my therapist in months and so writing out my thoughts on these experience things is the closest thing to therapy I can have. For as long as I can remember I've always had two sides of me. I've always called it a bright side and dark side.On one side I'm nonchalant, easy-going quiet chick who likes video games, mangas and anime, friendly, and caring. On the other side I'm cruel, sadistic, angry, mean, unsympathetic, and empathetic, distant. (My dad calls this side of me Joffery from Game of Thrones) But that side isn't socially acceptable so I have to constantly hide that part. It is suffocating because I have to constantly be my bright side self and never am able to be my dark self. It almost feels like I'm being fake and playing a persona. Whenever I haven’t been able to express my other side I get really sad and it feels like I'm drowning. I have no idea if this made any sense and honestly I don't care. I just needed to get this out.
You are feeling suffocated because you are suppressing yourself, Your dark side may be socially unacceptable but nonetheless, it's still you at the end of the day. I feel for you because I am also like this In my real life. But being 2 faced is not necessarily a bad or a good thing, It's what you make it out to be my friend! So be yourself even if it is cruel or distant as long as you are not cruel to the people who do not deserve it! (=・ω・=)
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I also have sides in me ..I try to get the bright side out though I mean to real life coz my bad side is already out n I want to change it..#－.－)
You are feeling suffocated because you are suppressing yourself, Your dark side may be socially unacceptable but nonetheless, it's still you at the end of the day. I feel for you because I am also like this In my real life. But being 2 faced is not necessarily a bad or a good thing, It's what you make it out to be my friend! So be yourself even if it is cruel or distant as long as you are not cruel to the people who do not deserve it! (=・ω・=)