tw toxic parents and suicide

ah yes, nothing like telling your daughter just after she got discharged from the hospital that she'll go to hell for committing suicide and that people suffer worse than her.
she even said "inshallah you will" as if she was hoping that i go to hell.
apparently nothing bad happened to me and she can fix whatever's going on in my mind.
she hopes i died by covid instead so she doesn't have to deal with the stigma that her daughter killed herself.
and then a whole segment of her saying i raised you, i breastfed you for two years. yeah, i wasn't emotionally there for you but i still gave you everything.

its shit like this that makes me think "damn i should've starved myself so i could die through that thing called hypo" you keep on asking whether i love you or not even though i said i do and then you say shit like this that makes me want to hate you. i'm glad i feel so empty rn otherwise i'd be crying, trying to self-harm or attempt again.