The reasons why Donald Duck should be the man of your dreams.

Ok... Before I get into my essay, I just wanna say that among us in real life started to fucking play while I'm writing this...

Alright, guys. I have a small, tiny, obsession with Donald Faultoroy Duck. Small being I am hopelessly in love with him. I don't know how to explain it, but I just think he's so fucking hot...

+The beginning+

It started around when I was in elementary school. At that point, I've had many crushes on fictional character that happen to be animals or anthro animals. Such as Perry the Platypus, Woody Woodpecker, Max Goof (which still stands today....), and etc... I've always admired Donny, but one day it just clicked. "This fictional duck makes me feel giddy." Is what I thought. This conclusion was made from how I felt the same way as when I was in the presence of my crushes. After I came to that conclusion, it's just been in the back of my head for a couple years. The feelings were still there, I still had the occasional thought, but I would have never thought it would have become a big problem.

+Ducktales 2017 - the moderate breeze before the fucking hurricane+

Ducktales 2017 rekindled a lot of my dormant crushes, such as Huey, Dewey, Louie, Scrooge Mcduck, Jose, and Panchito. (I'll probably make an essay about them too...) You have no idea how exciting I was for the reboot. I was going fucking insane over the trailer. Like, GOD DAMN WHY DID THEIR DESIGNS HAVE TO LOOK SO GOD DAMN HOT! To be completely honest, there's not a lot to say on this paragraph. Maybe for the others when I decide to make those... but not for Donald.

+2020 - HURRICANE TIME BITCH+

Oh god, where do I begin... So just around when quarantine started, I had saw a specific picture of him and it fucking clicked... I WANT THIS FICTIONAL DUCK TO LOVE ME PLEASE! I was on discord again and it spread there because I couldn't contain my horny ass. Now there's so many fucking people who know me as the person who has an unhealthy obsession with Donald Duck. So many mental breakdowns all caused by Donald Faultoroy Duck... I used to stalk the rule 34 websites for all the porn of him in the database just to stare at it. I also used to have my pfp as donald duck porn for months. Yeah... aha...

+2021 - after the storm (when the flowers bloom~)+

I'm still obsessed with Donald duck, but not the extent of 2020.

Alright, that's enough backstory. Let's actually start the essay...

So, you read all of that... Congratulations! There's more!

+Actual essay+

Have you ever obsessed over a character like this? I sure as hell have! Donald Duck is legit just such the perfect partner. You and I wish we were Daisy... I do admit, he can be pretty fucking dumb, but that's just another admirable trait! Here are the reasons Donald should be the man of your dreams. Firstly, this mf is a war vet. Secondly, he took care of his nephews for years until he was called back into the navy. Thirdly, he's a fantastic lover. Fourthly, my dude fucking balling in money. Fifthly, he's an international pop star. Lastly, he'd do anything for his family. Alright, got those important points in your head? Ok, Good! We'll be starting with the first reason, Donald is a WW2 Veteran.

Daisy put it best, "I just love a man in uniform...". One reason you should want to fuck Donald Duck is he's a war vet. This basically means he can protect you and your family at all times. He probably has some special war jitsu, but then again when he was in the air force in that one short, because he thought he would have gotten hella bitches and shooting Nazis, but instead he was stuck peeling potatoes... He's also a decorated vet. A downside is that he has ptsd or someshit. Also the title, spouse to a WW2 Veteran, seems so fucking cool. Now that I finished rambling about how hot that Donny is a war vet, we can move on to the next reason!

(Fun fact! Donald became Hitler in a dream he had!)

Y'know his nephews? Their mother, which is his twin sister, abandoned them with Donald Duck. He could have left the eggs out on the street, but he didn't. He took them in and has been taking care of them ever since. If that doesn't make you want to fuck him, I don't know what will! He's been raising them until he was drafted back into the navy. They temporary lived with their rich great uncle, Scrooge. After he was dismissed, Donald, Daisy, and the kids settle down in the suburbs. He got a stable job as a cameraman and continued to support them. On the side, running a cartoon viewing club with his best friend, Mickey Mouse. Allowing and supporting the triplets most recent endeavor, forming a band. If you don't call that husband material, you're crazy. Since I'm ready to move on (this can go on for a couple thousand words...). We should move on to the next reason!

(Fun Fact! Huey, Dewey, and Louie had a couple bands! An example, The Quackstreet Boys.)

It's 2:59 am and I'm determined to finish this tonight... Anyway, Donald is just the perfect lover! Like in that one short about Daisy wanting to buy an instrument that can play pop goes the weasel and Pete used Donald as an instrument. Long story short, Donald ended up getting sold to Daisy and fired from the store. He sacrificed his body and free will for love. In the words of Daisy in that short, "So~ Romantic~". He also risked his life just to buy a present for Daisy on Valentine's Day.
I'm not going to further elaborate on that short because I'm fucking tired, but basically he and Daisy bought the chocolate and ate together. I finished this paragraph... Time to move to the next!

(Fun Fact! I don't have a fun fact related to the paragraph above, but just know I'm actually not kidding, this shit is canon in the ddcu...)

While writing the paragraph, what you won't do for love came up in my playlist. Just wanted you to know that I'm listening to that right now. Fourth reason, my dude balling in cash. Like he owns like 20 fucking houses or something. I guess that is what you get when you are on the grind like he is. Unrelated, but I just wanted to say that there's a short where he steals Daisy's identity to recover a picture he ruined and I think he got sexual harassed by Mortimer while doing this. Well, on to the next point!

The fifth reason you should want to suck this fictional duck's dick is that he's an international pop star. He got his humble beginnings into stardom by taking a pill that makes his voice audible. Taking this mysterious pill led him to have the voice of an angel. Eventually getting discovered, he went on a coast to coast tour singing his rendition of 'When you wish upon a star'. In the process of this, he totally had forgotten about Daisy. Brushing her off as just another fan... This led Daisy to attempt suicide in many different ways. At this point Donald duck was fucking popping off, touring everywhere, topping the charts, etc... When an unfortunate accident happened, causing him to lose his angelic singing voice. Now don't get me wrong, Donny's normal voice is just so fucking hot oh my god... Anyway, his next big musical endeavor were The Three Caballeros. Personally, one of my favorite bands out there. He left the band to pursue a solo rap career. This ended up being unsuccessful. So, he ended coming back to The Three Caballeros. Here's a list of other small musical projects he partook in :

Mickey Mouse Disco (I own the physical record LOL)
Mickey Mouse's rap album

That's all I can think of... Also, Donald is in Kingdom Hearts, that's a whole other reason for why I'm hopelessly in love with him... Alright, to the last reason.

(Fun Fact! Look them up, the albums are fucking real. I probably missed a lot, but my brain can't memorize every single Donald Duck related album.)

Our last point for today, Donald really loves and cares for his family. Example one, ANY EPISODE OF DUCKTALES 2017 WITH DONALD IN IT. End of point. Time for the last paragraph... Finally...

(Fun Fact! Donald duck was an edgy mf as a kid in Ducktales 2017!)

Finally, this terrible essay is over... If my points didn't make you want to fuck Donald Duck, I don't know what will. You should actually be in love with him at this point. Actually, nevermind the less people wanting to fuck Donald the better! More for me!

Just so you know, I can and I probably will make this longer. Also everything I stated in this is actually true. Look it up.

I swear I'm not a furry.