This is going to be long, I apologize. I'm a loner. I don't have friends and I don't really talk to people. I never realized that at this point in my life I was going to be like this until I looked into my past. 4th grade I hanged out with 2 people. A guy and a girl but the girl moved classes so we talked less and the guy just didn't really hang with me. In 5th grade I saw I only had one friend. She said I would start off with quiet hello's everyday and that I was a quiet one. She ended up transferring and I didn't have any friends in that class. Although next door was the other 5th grade class who I knew some people and would hang out with them for a bit during lunch. In middle school my friends were different and they stayed with me for the 3 years. We were a group of 4-6 and I realized I was never close with either of them besides this one girl. I knew another girl in middle school and we would talk but we never really were in the same group until high school. Freshman year the one girl I was close with in middle school moved so I didn't have any friends besides the one girl I talked to and the guy in middle school drifted off and became closer to this other girl. I hung out with the girl and her friends who I knew, they were really sweet and I liked them. Then sophomore year, we were a group of 4, half of them left. The other girl and I didn't really talk to each other so I just kinda ended up by myself. I got used to it after a year. The junior I transferred and my anxiety about moving to another school with other people I didn't know killed me. I wasn't comfortable and I was so scared I wanted to cry. There were a few occasional people I would say hi to but I was alone until I graduated.
I had this guy I realized I liked in 6th grade when an acquaintance I knew started dating him. I was devastated but kept my feelings quiet. I continued to like him but and I saw he dated these girls, one who which I really wanted to be friends with but I thought she was too cool, and when I heard of how she met him I knew I couldn't do anything. They were together from 8-9th grade. Then 10th grade he dated this girl who was my friends friend and I realized I would never be able to tell him how I feel. I compared myself to them and thought I was never pretty enough to be next to him. I wasn't funny enough or kind enough. I just wasn't enough. So I just watched him quietly and my heart would flutter but I would be so broken. He was the first guy I ever liked. I don't think I will ever date.
Just tell him what ar u feeling. Because its not about he will love u back or not. Its about be honest to ur self and to let go ur feeling so u will feel free in ur mind. Love its not something to be shamed of. Be honest to your feeling.
Some people never date, some are hermits, alone, some are doomed with unrequited love all their lives, some seems to have everything but it's just a mask, some have everything but doesn't realize it in time. What I want to convey is that we are all uniques with our flaws and assets. Being surrounded by peoples is tainting us in their colors: be with smart-ass ones and you will look like one. So I think that being alone just shows everyone that you are not the reflect of a group, you are you with your flaws, defenses, and a gold heart ready to give to anyone worth it.
I am currently without friends close to me and when I see their conversations, or the way they act most of the time I'm happy to be alone than with them where I would have to change myself so that they would accept me. I admit there are also times I envy them obviously, but when that happens I just list what makes me happy (yaoi mainly) and turn my eyes off them.
I wanted to say something else buuuut I forgot, sorry. Anyway, just know that alone, introvert, shy people are a lot on this earth (づ￣ ³￣)づ
Hey! Thanks so much for replying! I just want to say that I'm happy you shared a bit of your story and that I'm glad I'm not alone. Right now I've been down and just tired but your words cheered me up. You gave me a reminder I needed and that I tend to forget in life.
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I had similar problems like you but I put myself out there and found a really good group of friends that I can be myself around!
I'm glad your able to find friends that you can be yourself around! I just don't think I can put myself out there like you did though.
Just tell him what ar u feeling. Because its not about he will love u back or not. Its about be honest to ur self and to let go ur feeling so u will feel free in ur mind. Love its not something to be shamed of. Be honest to your feeling.
Thank you for your advice and replying! It's a bit too late. I never saw him again after transferring since 10th grade.
Some people never date, some are hermits, alone, some are doomed with unrequited love all their lives, some seems to have everything but it's just a mask, some have everything but doesn't realize it in time.
What I want to convey is that we are all uniques with our flaws and assets. Being surrounded by peoples is tainting us in their colors: be with smart-ass ones and you will look like one. So I think that being alone just shows everyone that you are not the reflect of a group, you are you with your flaws, defenses, and a gold heart ready to give to anyone worth it.
I am currently without friends close to me and when I see their conversations, or the way they act most of the time I'm happy to be alone than with them where I would have to change myself so that they would accept me. I admit there are also times I envy them obviously, but when that happens I just list what makes me happy (yaoi mainly) and turn my eyes off them.
I wanted to say something else buuuut I forgot, sorry. Anyway, just know that alone, introvert, shy people are a lot on this earth
(づ￣ ³￣)づ
Hey! Thanks so much for replying! I just want to say that I'm happy you shared a bit of your story and that I'm glad I'm not alone. Right now I've been down and just tired but your words cheered me up. You gave me a reminder I needed and that I tend to forget in life.