yeah im a grey ace i think

i never had a person whom i can say i was attracted or fallen to and in my area asexuals aren't valid, "everyone has a crush, your lying otherwise" that ideology is stuck in our brains as if its common sense and when i try to open up with it with people who knows the sexuality they just give me a look, they don't believe me so yeah maybe im not really asexual? maybe i just hate myself to the point I can't have romantic feeling towards someone? idc anymore