The story of a part of my life

I started feeling depressed in 11th grade, I was before that too but that's when it hit full force. I'd cry without reason, talk bad about myself on the mirror, on my head (still do), developed insomnia, started cutting, wouldn't talk, practically became a mute, I'd get really angry sometimes and throw and break things. And then a lot of embarrassing things happened that I developed Gelatophobia and would always put on my earphones, they became something inseparable to me. And then I started getting curious about what would happen after death. I began to doubt the existence of God. So one day I decided to commit suicide. I cut my wrist. I think I cut the blue vein but it did not go deep so the bleeding stopped. I told my dad and mom (stupid thing I did) and the next day the sent me to a freaking doctor. The doc then said you have to go a psychologist (freaking embarrassing). So we went there. The psychologist was a middle-aged woman who probably didn't know shit about her profession. She asked about my name, what grade am I, what school do I go to. And asked me if I liked my freaking name, yeah I know it's a little bit old and a lot of people don't have it but why ask that question? She thought I had problems liking my name like wtf and she thought I didn't have any friends like she wasn't wrong but still that's rude. In the end I didn't tell her shit and she even dared to to tell me to promise her to come again. Yeah right. I never saw her face again.
The second time I decided to drink bleach. I bailed because I wasn't sure it would work out and it smelled really bad. I had it like so close to my lips I just had to drink it but I started shaking and sweating and in the end I couldn't do it.
The third time was the day before going to university. I was so scared of the changes that would come and like the coward I am I decided to again, kill myself. I had bought like 100 pills of Aspirin and like 20 Diclofenac and in the middle of the night, I think it was 02:00 or 03:00 am and I had to wake up at 06:00, I downed all of them after some time my body started shaking all over and I think I fell asleep. I waited to go to Hell if it existed but no I woke up from my alarm to go to uni. It was a disaster. The schedule had changed and I didn't even bother to check but there were two other stupid girls like me so we went to drink coffee together to pass time 'cause the lecture was later. I am not a sociable person, far from it and I'm an introvert so I don't even know how I got to have coffee with them. And then it went to hell. I started felling sick. Talk about first impressions haha. I went to the toilet and puked (disgusting) , my ears started ringing. I thought I was going deaf. Plus add my lack of sleep, just imagine.
Somehow I went home exhausted. My parents didn't know a thing. I asked my mom "Am I talking slow right now?" She said "Yeah, it's because you're tired." I talked slowly because I couldn't hear myself clearly, there was like you know that noise the TV makes when it's broken. I was really scared but at the same time I thought maybe it would be better if I didn't hear a thing.
After a few days the pills got out of my system and my hearing became better. Going to university got a lot of things out of my mind and I just said fuck it and as always just went with the flow. I started adapting there I made a couple of friends if you can call them that. We just hang out together when we're together on uni, we don't even talk on social media or anything.
My high school friends don't talk to me anymore but I think it's my fault because I never wrote to them ever again after we separated.
Right now I'm not going to uni because of CoronaVirus, and in the beginning I thought this would be a good opportunity to kill myself if I go interact with people but yeah, I'm not a sociable person.
I don't know what the future holds for me. I decided to finish uni and get a job, buy my own appartement, save money and build my own house. Start a business and live happy ever after cause it's not worth it.