For reference I was raised in a very conservative and Christian state. Was raised in a church where being apart of the LGBTQIA+ community is considered a major sin. Realized I was pan at a very young age and grew up believing I was going to hell for who I loved. I remember reading those same verses over and over again, praying to whatever god above to take these feelings away from me, but they persisted. I hated myself for how I felt. I felt gross and evil. I was a sinner. Internalized homophobia ruled my childhood. Life lost meaning. I felt like no matter what I did, it didn’t matter cause hell was my final destination. I tried to take my life at 13, but luckily I failed. I ended up in therapy where I came out to my therapist, who was also apart of my religion. She immediately shamed me for it and I spiraled. (Completely awful therapist, your therapist should never tell you that) I wrote out a note and was ready to take my life (again) one night, decided to use that opportunity to tell my mom. I figured that she’d hate me and kick me out and push me away, so I thought if I told her, it’d make it easier. Turns out I was a dumb bitch. My mom supported me and even admitted she had guessed it. My dad was quick to follow. We quickly switched therapists and I gradually learned to accept that side of myself. Went to my first pride event at 16 with my mom and I really started to let go of that religious guilt. Unfortunately, lots of my extended family were not supportive of me, but the ones that didnt are honestly assholes, so that doesn’t bother me much. Fully came out to the world in 2020, lost some friends, my church doesn’t fuck with me anymore (good riddance), but I found myself. I know I’m lucky to have parents who supported me, and my heart breaks for anyone who doesn’t have that. I’m here for you. Your life has purpose. If you haven’t heard it from anyone else today, hear it from me, I love you and I accept you. I’m here to listen if you need to talk. Just stay alive.
Messages
You have great parents.