Hi everyone. I'm just posting this in case there's some experiencing the same thing and could be of help. I'd like to think I'm not alone in this.
Im 31yo F, I quit my job last year to get my mba so I've had a lot of time in my hands and noticed my little "hobby" spiral out of control. I've always loved anime and manga since I was a little kid, but I only discovered Yaoi after graduating High School. I sometimes struggled to get things done in College because I would rather read manga than study or get important work done (I'm also ADHD, diagnosed). I managed to get in and out of my obsession, but recently I cant stop. I sexualize the male characters in the animes I like, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm also starting to sexualize men and specially gay/bi men compulsively. This isn't healthy or normal ): I'm married and my beautiful husband doesn't turn me on anymore!! I find myself wanting to read some steamy scenes before going at it with him!!. It's rough for me right now. I hope I can do this and my heart breaks for the BL stories I love. But this is critical for me rn. Anyways, thanks for reading. Have you experienced something similar? I'd like to know your stories. Also, I know you can be strong and accomplish anything!
well i just wrote out a whole paragraph but in all honesty, especially with how popular the "no fap" movement is with the self-growth community online, i think that linking you to a video etc with a more coherent speaker will be more helpful
as with most addictions, it happens because the subject material brings you dopamine. however over-consumption will mean that being in this dopamine high for so long will make everything else seem bland in life. (hence irl sex life not bringing as much dopamine as porn) its like the equivalent of having cake so often that your satisfaction with healthy meals decreases. there are plenty advice videos and journeys online (especially with nofap, which is very common in the self growth community) which i think will help you get motivated to quit. if you follow along with other people's journeys then that kind of makes you more conscious of your own actions and you will feel a desire to get better.
now, for actual ways to quit. because yes, quitting entirely for at least 2-3 weeks will reset your dopamine levels and most things will naturally flow after and your satisfaction will be better. whenever you feel the urge to consume porn, replace it with a different activity. like going for a run and getting some fresh air, (you can literally just jog on the spot if the weather is not kind to you) drinking water, etc. something that will benefit you a lot is slowly moving from yaoi or hentai to reading non-sexual plots. you can slowly get into novels - even if its just 10 pages a night, slowly increasing that, this will replace whatever else you want to read. the truth is, the more you DO something, the more your body and mind will be accustomed to that thing and the more they will WANT to do it. if you want more energy, use energy. workout. this is sending a signal to your body that you need to recieve more energy to have a good amount of stamina for regular workouts. your body and mind both grow accustomed to what you WANT to do. that is the hard cold truth. and how do they figure out what you want to do? well, its by what you're actually doing. if you are reading yaoi and recieving dopamine and getting turned on by this then your body and mind think "alright lets just keep sending dopamine for this activity" and they think they're doing a great job. so, what do you want to do? quit? then just stop reading. the first few days will be harsh and dont get hung up over porn relapses but seriously, the LESS you read something, the LESS you will WANT to read it. it will be that easy once you reach the curve in your self development. and remember, if you want to build a good habit or break a bad one, give yourself 1 month. just try to do it (or avoid doing it) every day for one month and if your mind KNOWS that quitting is possible, then you have essentially already quit.
im sure you are aware of atomic habits by james clear and cant hurt me by david goggins. the former will give you solid and logical steps to overcome a certain habit and break bad ones, and the latter will give you motivation and willpower to push yourself to succeed. free pdfs can be found online ffrom searching. i mean, we're reading everything illegally on here so im sure you wont have a problem with that. personally i have purchased james clear's book but "cant hurt me" ive seen a few negative comments about it being iffy with his language but that is in the 2nd half of the book which is not as great or necessary as the 1st half.
for sex life, i mean, i think exercising and showering beforehand will make you feel it a lot better but damn that's the closest to "solid" advice i can give you lol sorry about that. i am sure there are better forums and videos covering that topic.
now i am sorry for any incoherence in my writing here, i hope this makes sense and half of this is based off memory. but ahh to sign off, you can do it. fighting!
Hi, i really appreciate you taking the time to write this. I found it comforting to know that my "dopamine levels will reset after 2-3 weeks" more than the sexual part, I'm worried about how much time consuming this habit is for me. Thanks for the kind advice.
Hi, i really appreciate you taking the time to write this. I found it comforting to know that my "dopamine levels will reset after 2-3 weeks" more than the sexual part, I'm worried about how much time consuming... Harumi
that's okay . good luck on your journey my friend. just know that you are not alone, and deciding that you want to get better means you are already on the road of improvement. i am not the greatest with comforting words, but i hope that the advice will help you.
Hii, I just glimpsed at ur bio, it’s mostly just bl, maybe u have wired ur brain into thinking sexy men = yaoi, which makes u habitually sexualise non sexy men( anime guys whom u like) similarly since u have u do its with ur husband without the yaoi filter, u don’t get turned on and hence u have this urge to read bl before sex irl, it’s not too hard, at least u have already realised ur problem 1. It would be extremely hard, but u r willing to do anything just delete all accounts to read or watch yaoi, really hard, have some cheat days in 2 months n slowly stop it 2. First step would be extremely hard, so try reading good straight smut so u won’t think only yaoi is sexy stuff 3.My last advice is to ask ur husbands help, or if u r afraid just try watching porn together and slowly bring in gay porn and casually mention u find 2 guys doing it extremely hot, and soon include ur husband whenever u read yaoi so ur husband knows what’s ur preference( like how seme treats uke ) and maybe he might try some of those moves to make u sexually like him back 4. Not everyone’s husband is cooperative to such level, so if he’s weird out by this or isn’t helpful therapy is ur only solution! Don’t let ur small high school hobby drift ur married life, after all its diction written mostly by another women for us to enjoy, don’t take this too seriously
I appreciate your thoughts on this !! I know I'll have to go cold turkey on this thogh, starting today. I'm less worried about the sexual part, and nore about the amounts of time i dedicated to this. It's a thin line between hobby and obsession, girrl
Judging from your reading list, op you're not doing very well; all I see is gay porn. You should diversify your reading list, one at a time, try reading non-yaoi/bl stories every day, and try to reduce your reading of gay porn.
It's only happened recently, when I got in my relationship It wasn't a habit. I actually read a lot of manga that isn't yaoi, just not on this site. Thanks
It's only happened recently, when I got in my relationship It wasn't a habit. I actually read a lot of manga that isn't yaoi, just not on this site. Thanks Harumi
Are you able to afford therapy? Your university may offer something for free or subsidised. What you’re describing sounds like an addiction which is difficult to overcome on your own with no support. Therapy can also help you work out your relationship with your husband and how you view gay/bi men. Good luck, wishing you all the best
Messages
well i just wrote out a whole paragraph but in all honesty, especially with how popular the "no fap" movement is with the self-growth community online, i think that linking you to a video etc with a more coherent speaker will be more helpful
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7lnIdudEy8
title: De-sexualizing My Brain Changed My Life by ManTalks if you don't trust links
as with most addictions, it happens because the subject material brings you dopamine. however over-consumption will mean that being in this dopamine high for so long will make everything else seem bland in life. (hence irl sex life not bringing as much dopamine as porn) its like the equivalent of having cake so often that your satisfaction with healthy meals decreases. there are plenty advice videos and journeys online (especially with nofap, which is very common in the self growth community) which i think will help you get motivated to quit. if you follow along with other people's journeys then that kind of makes you more conscious of your own actions and you will feel a desire to get better.
now, for actual ways to quit. because yes, quitting entirely for at least 2-3 weeks will reset your dopamine levels and most things will naturally flow after and your satisfaction will be better. whenever you feel the urge to consume porn, replace it with a different activity. like going for a run and getting some fresh air, (you can literally just jog on the spot if the weather is not kind to you) drinking water, etc. something that will benefit you a lot is slowly moving from yaoi or hentai to reading non-sexual plots. you can slowly get into novels - even if its just 10 pages a night, slowly increasing that, this will replace whatever else you want to read. the truth is, the more you DO something, the more your body and mind will be accustomed to that thing and the more they will WANT to do it. if you want more energy, use energy. workout. this is sending a signal to your body that you need to recieve more energy to have a good amount of stamina for regular workouts. your body and mind both grow accustomed to what you WANT to do. that is the hard cold truth. and how do they figure out what you want to do? well, its by what you're actually doing. if you are reading yaoi and recieving dopamine and getting turned on by this then your body and mind think "alright lets just keep sending dopamine for this activity" and they think they're doing a great job. so, what do you want to do? quit? then just stop reading. the first few days will be harsh and dont get hung up over porn relapses but seriously, the LESS you read something, the LESS you will WANT to read it. it will be that easy once you reach the curve in your self development. and remember, if you want to build a good habit or break a bad one, give yourself 1 month. just try to do it (or avoid doing it) every day for one month and if your mind KNOWS that quitting is possible, then you have essentially already quit.
im sure you are aware of atomic habits by james clear and cant hurt me by david goggins. the former will give you solid and logical steps to overcome a certain habit and break bad ones, and the latter will give you motivation and willpower to push yourself to succeed. free pdfs can be found online ffrom searching. i mean, we're reading everything illegally on here so im sure you wont have a problem with that. personally i have purchased james clear's book but "cant hurt me" ive seen a few negative comments about it being iffy with his language but that is in the 2nd half of the book which is not as great or necessary as the 1st half.
for sex life, i mean, i think exercising and showering beforehand will make you feel it a lot better but damn that's the closest to "solid" advice i can give you lol sorry about that. i am sure there are better forums and videos covering that topic.
now i am sorry for any incoherence in my writing here, i hope this makes sense and half of this is based off memory. but ahh to sign off, you can do it. fighting!
Hi, i really appreciate you taking the time to write this. I found it comforting to know that my "dopamine levels will reset after 2-3 weeks" more than the sexual part, I'm worried about how much time consuming this habit is for me. Thanks for the kind advice.
that's okay . good luck on your journey my friend. just know that you are not alone, and deciding that you want to get better means you are already on the road of improvement. i am not the greatest with comforting words, but i hope that the advice will help you.
Hii, I just glimpsed at ur bio, it’s mostly just bl, maybe u have wired ur brain into thinking sexy men = yaoi, which makes u habitually sexualise non sexy men( anime guys whom u like) similarly since u have u do its with ur husband without the yaoi filter, u don’t get turned on and hence u have this urge to read bl before sex irl, it’s not too hard, at least u have already realised ur problem
1. It would be extremely hard, but u r willing to do anything just delete all accounts to read or watch yaoi, really hard, have some cheat days in 2 months n slowly stop it
2. First step would be extremely hard, so try reading good straight smut so u won’t think only yaoi is sexy stuff
3.My last advice is to ask ur husbands help, or if u r afraid just try watching porn together and slowly bring in gay porn and casually mention u find 2 guys doing it extremely hot, and soon include ur husband whenever u read yaoi so ur husband knows what’s ur preference( like how seme treats uke ) and maybe he might try some of those moves to make u sexually like him back
4. Not everyone’s husband is cooperative to such level, so if he’s weird out by this or isn’t helpful therapy is ur only solution! Don’t let ur small high school hobby drift ur married life, after all its diction written mostly by another women for us to enjoy, don’t take this too seriously
Good luck and I hope the best for you, sister
I appreciate your thoughts on this !! I know I'll have to go cold turkey on this thogh, starting today. I'm less worried about the sexual part, and nore about the amounts of time i dedicated to this. It's a thin line between hobby and obsession, girrl
Judging from your reading list, op you're not doing very well; all I see is gay porn. You should diversify your reading list, one at a time, try reading non-yaoi/bl stories every day, and try to reduce your reading of gay porn.
My recoms:
- https://www.mangago.me/read-manga/this_witch_of_mine/
- https://www.mangago.me/read-manga/brutal_satsujin_kansatsukan_no_kokuhaku/
- https://www.mangago.me/read-manga/false_child/
( But how did you get into a relationship with that mental state?)
-oh I missed the part that you're 31 years old, you're already an adult T^T have nothing t offer then, I'm still a teen at the moment
It's only happened recently, when I got in my relationship It wasn't a habit. I actually read a lot of manga that isn't yaoi, just not on this site. Thanks
oki, you can do it op! Goodluck
Also, if you're also looking for support feel free to message me and we can chat about it in a no judgment space :)
Are you able to afford therapy? Your university may offer something for free or subsidised. What you’re describing sounds like an addiction which is difficult to overcome on your own with no support. Therapy can also help you work out your relationship with your husband and how you view gay/bi men. Good luck, wishing you all the best
Thank you! I'm going to therapy and have been sooo embarrassed to bring it up. I know I should