It might really be my fault this time

So another one of my friends said they are suicidal (mostly cuz of me). First it was that blonde bitch and now it is a friend I genuinely care for with all my heart. I would trade my parents to stay friends with her and now I feel like the years of friendship I had with her really meant nothing.

She said she was mad that I kept asking her to read a bl. She was mad that I got mad when she didn't keep her promises. I told her she didn't have to read the bl anymore and now she's blaming my other friend too.

My other friend said we failed as a friend but she was never there for me either. When I made obvious signs for help she laughed them off. She would joking hit me and say she needed new friends. When she's upset I'm the one having to apologise even if it was for the dumbest reasons.

I still care for her deeply, more than I would myself, and I just wanted to vent a bit