Y'all, I can't even go grocery shopping by myself without panicking. Waiting in line makes me anxious af. I've even been putting off on getting my driver's permit just because I'm afraid of going to the DMV and pumping gas and handling an actual vehicle and all that shit.
Remember group work in high school? When the teachers were too lazy to sort groups out themselves and just let everyone do whatever? Yeah, I was pretty much that one chick no one wanted in their group. Lol thank god for quarantine 'cause I would've had to deal with a huge ass grad ceremony no one would've cheered for me at.
i can fucking feel you on that one. i'm super self conscious, i need a person with me at all times or i'll seriously not know what to do and just cry there. the earliest memory i remember of me being extremely panicky is in middle school. we were doing a project that involved sewing and i forgot to bring the materials. i was the only one not working and the teacher kept calling me over to see what was wrong. my thought process was like "oh, they all have their eyes on me now, please stop." and i remember getting really flustered. then, the next day, i could've brought the materials, but i have terrible memory and i was too scared to ask my mother to buy them, so i put it off, day after day. then, i thought" i should really start now, but if i start this late, then i'll be seen as the weird one". it got so bad that i pretended to be sick for weeks and when i finally returned to school. the teacher yelled at me, telling me that if i don't do it, she'd send me to the principal's office, and i cried then and there. it's understandable though. since then, she kept calling me over after class but in school, we had a "the teachers don't chase after you" thing. so she couldn't care less if i didn't come, and i didn't. the worst thing is that the project was 60% of my grade, and i was getting really flustered and ended up failing in that class. then quarantine came, and i was saved from getting a lecture from the principal. as a boy, i thought naturally everyone would call me weak and insecure, and they were right, i was. i wish i could turn back time and restart.
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Messages
I felt this with my entire soul, glad I'm not the only one
You are not alone,
i can fucking feel you on that one. i'm super self conscious, i need a person with me at all times or i'll seriously not know what to do and just cry there. the earliest memory i remember of me being extremely panicky is in middle school. we were doing a project that involved sewing and i forgot to bring the materials. i was the only one not working and the teacher kept calling me over to see what was wrong. my thought process was like "oh, they all have their eyes on me now, please stop." and i remember getting really flustered. then, the next day, i could've brought the materials, but i have terrible memory and i was too scared to ask my mother to buy them, so i put it off, day after day. then, i thought" i should really start now, but if i start this late, then i'll be seen as the weird one". it got so bad that i pretended to be sick for weeks and when i finally returned to school. the teacher yelled at me, telling me that if i don't do it, she'd send me to the principal's office, and i cried then and there. it's understandable though. since then, she kept calling me over after class but in school, we had a "the teachers don't chase after you" thing. so she couldn't care less if i didn't come, and i didn't. the worst thing is that the project was 60% of my grade, and i was getting really flustered and ended up failing in that class. then quarantine came, and i was saved from getting a lecture from the principal. as a boy, i thought naturally everyone would call me weak and insecure, and they were right, i was. i wish i could turn back time and restart.