is it so bad to want to live alone
is it so bad to want to live alone in the far future?
buuuut i am currently in a romantic relationship tho
however living with my partner and all the previous ones before him have made me realize that im better off alone
i mean this as a self-aware toxic person lol
bcuz once i cross the family level familarity and comfortability line with a partner, i start treating whomever im living with in the same way i would with my siblings which is just being hella rude whenever im angry and frustrated or if they did smth to disappoint me or wtvr
and then the environment ends up feeling like a replica of the house i grew up in with me being a clone of my angry mom upset with something he did wrong or didnt do.
and so one day during a casual conversation, i told my partner whom im currently stuck with bcos of financial reasons, that my dream for the far future is for us to be living in separate houses but we'll still be together but only see each other maybe once or twice a week so that we'll always be pleasant around each other bcos of the "i miss u" vibe.
and he said thats a fucked up way of thinking cos im chasing a highschool level relationship of shallow depth and feel that's stuck on the "dating" phase.
then he asks me whyd i even start this whole relationship with him if my goal is to live away from him
but i did believe i could live with him
but that was before i grew tired of the repeated cycle of arguments and growing grudges from
him missing his share of chores and me having to pick up after him
and so far in these relationships ive had with men, not one of them held the same standard of cleanliness that i did and ive now grown to hate men (straight men exclusively tho cos i love the gays and my brother is gay and he feels me a lot on this cleanliness thing cos hes the "housewife" in his relationship too lol) because ive started to subconsciously view them as pigs who turn homes into pigstys and ensnare women to be their maids.
and now i keep asking myself why im in this situation now but rlly its bcuz u never rlly know until u know
but for real tho, for those of u in living-together relationships, have u never thought it better to live away from your partner and just visit each other ever now and then when u miss each other
so you dont rlly have to deal with the snoring, the random sock on the couch, the lined up used mugs on the sink, and all those small icks 24/7?
like, isnt it better to look forward to meeting each other on actual planned dates
than be stuck with each other annoyedly fixated on something the other did or didnt get to do?
am i rlly fucked up for thinking that way?