kissing best friend

I honestly don't know where else to ask for help cause I'm scared my reddit might get linked or any other website would be found, but I need advice. For some context, both me and my best friend are female, into girls and guys, and seniors in high school. Her and her boyfriend of 2 years broke up at the start of the school year, and like a month later, we got to talking about how we've never kissed as friends. This led to our first kiss, and then her teaching me how to make out which led to an 1 1/2 long makeout session in the back of my car. After this, we made out a few other times, she gave me a few hickeys, and we did one other thing but I don't want to fess that up because it was more silly than anything. Tonight, we made out again after not having done so in a while. I feel like im always the first to want to make out, even if she began the rise in tension by touching my chin or caressing my face. I always want to kiss her and touch her, but we both know she's still in love with her ex and I'm still not over this guy I've gone back and forth with for like 2 years (he asked me to be his valentine like 2 days ago after this incident with his mom a week ago, holy cooked). So basically im cooked. I just don't know what to do about this. am I just touched deprived, or if it bad I wanna kiss her. it doesnt help she told me she goons to me can you tell my age by the fact I actually used the word "goon"