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I think I’m to susceptible to things I enjoy
Am I the only one like this?
First instance of this that I can think of is when I was a kid and really loved Elsa. I would go outside with not much on and pretend I was her walking in the snow barefoot singing let it go even though I was freezing.
Next thing I can think of was porn. I remember stumbling upon it as a child and searching as hard as I could for some on YouTube, and when I couldn’t find it, I… I literally cannot fathom why the fuck I thought this was ok but my child self posted a video on yt naked(Im so ashamed theres was no thoughts thinking this was bad in my head at all thinking this was wrong).
After basic porn it was yaoi. Like Ive said before, it lead to hypersexuality and a bunch of annoying kinks.
Next came arcane and my fav ship from it, Jayvik(pls don’t hate Im not one of the evil ones). I found myself constantly longing for a partner and someone to love during that period and kill myself(I have never wanted to be with anyone that much until then) with bcs of how intimate Jayvik was and how they decide to die together. Granted this isnt as bad as the last two where but it influenced my feelings really strongly and I ended up developing a big crush on one of my friends bcs of this T-T never got into a relationship though(THANK GOD).
The next one is smth you see me talk about a LOT. Yup, you guessed it. Janka. Mainly Jabber. My obsession with him and janka has gotten really bad it also messed with my kinks again bcs of how they are(iykyk) like I seemed to have gotten really into wounds, blood, shit like that and I’ve seen stuff that I probably shouldn’t have bcs of it. It also led to (pls don’t think I’m an edglord) self harm…
it’s weird how much my interests can change me. Just wanted to share this rant cause I’ve been thinking about it for a while ever since I was into arcane.
sounds like ur interests dont js influence u, they consume u. kid u should rly get off the internet since it has become a distorted mirror for u. ur brain, especially since ure young, is incredibly adaptable. by constantly feeding it w high-shock content nd obsessive tropes, ure basically wiring urself to only respond to extremes. u mentioned "lon...... reply
Being exposed to porn at a young age is INCREDIBLY damaging. I think honestly you should see a professional because this is a problem that's quite deep. I honestly just suggest here you try to spend less time online, or more for at least spending less time with NSFW stuff because they can be quite addicting while having obsession over something is...... reply
The impulsiveness, recklessness, and hyperfixation very much remind me of myself. But I have a personality disorder lol (bpd). Sounds like therapy would probably be beneficial for you, to help control your impulses. Took me about over a year of individual and dialectical behavioral therapy to not immediately act on my thoughts. reply
