I just want to yap for a little bit, i love everytime there's a queer manhwa/manhua/manga about two people falling love in a countryside especially when they're showing the struggle— it fet like im being seen enough. I grew up in a small town & religious family. My grandfather is a well-known person who often leads religious events in our neighborhood & our big family known for being a religious one, most of my family' teenagers attend a religious school. I realized i like girls & gender doesn't really matter for me since i was 8yo when i start drawing myself with my bestfriend & start consuming queer media when i was 9 due to being chronically online. It didn't really matter & i didn't talk about it until i was 12yo.
Internalized homophobia hit me hard when i was 15yo & i start hating myself for being different, the struggle hit harder because i grew in a religious family & live in a small town where everyone know each other, i remember tellin' myself that if someone find out about this the less & most soft thing they can do is perform exorcism.
The internalized homophobia last longer more than i expected; it get to the point where im going through religious psychosis and crying everynight for His mercy. Now i don't even remember the last time i prayed to God. I love my religion & God so much, i used too— the same with the way i love livin' in this small town and all the childhood memories i build for myself; i can't help but know that no matter how much i love those two things, it doesn't really matter as long as i didn't fully accept myself.
Now im in my 20s, im fully accepted every version of myself; especially for being a weird queer kids growing up in a enviroment where you forced to be normal all the time. I still love my God even tho im barely prayin' , but i hope He know that i still love Him deeply & i hope He can loves me as who i am. It's my 15th pride month if i counted by the first time i realized i was one. Happy pride month for all my beloved fellows
