honestly i’m going fucking INSANE there is no way my destiny is to live this damned life
Let me give yall context: my parents are ultra-religious (adventist specifically) and closed-minded asf. i know parents want to protect their kids online but there comes an age where you just need to let go. i’m literally preparing for UNIVERSITY and trying to build my own identity and opinions but i have zero space to be myself in this house.
my paranoia is off the charts. the very first thing i do when i wake up is look out the window to check if my dad’s car is gone or check the rooms to see if there is anyone still in the house
just so i can feel a tiny bit of peace and breathe. when they’re home, i can’t do shit. I can’t read, watch anime-movies-series, play videogames or even listen to music without them breathing down my neck
their religious mindset is completely obsessed. everything has to pass through this extreme utilitarian and moralistic filter. If a song or a show doesn’t have some deep philosophical meaning or a divine lesson, they call it "demonic," a waste of time, and total garbage. people are not allowed to just enjoy things casually anymore bruh. they literally dissect every single thing looking for a "message" and it’s psychologically exhausting to live with.
plus, according to them, having your own personality and identity is BAD because "we need to reflect the character of christ." like NO?? tf? they always say god created everyone different, so how are you gonna tell me he wants us all to be identical clones? make it make sense.
The control is daily. they always threaten to cut off the internet or take my devices. today they literally threatened to check my internet history through the router just because i was listening to PINKPANTHERESS, TO PINK PANTHERESS. When they’re home i have to force myself to listen to "light" music and read books they approve of just to avoid a fight. If i listen to vkei,screamo, industrial or things i actually like, i’m completely fucked. I feel like a stranger in my own life because i can’t even enjoy my hobbies without worrying about the consequences.
i literally grew up on the internet, i’m not a 4-month-old baby, i know perfectly well the bad shit that’s out there. But they still treat me like i’m completely clueless and naive. Because of this toxic control, i’ve lost interest in things i used to love like drawing. For a pretty traumatic example, apparently, my dad was annoyed by the fact that I loved drawing so he literally formatted my computer bro
and i lost EVERYTHING. my emails, my accounts, my art, EVERYTHING. i had to start from absolute zero with all my socials, and even my PERSONAL accs but I was so traumatized that, to this day, i’ve never drawn again,not even on paper.
I’m legit terrified of starting university and having to stay in this house under these conditions. they don’t even let me stay up late for my finals or go to a classmate’s house for group projects. NOTHING BRO N.O.T.H.I.N.G.
Sometimes i feel guilty even writing this, like i’m brainwashed into thinking it’s the devil influencing me to sin because my entire life has been based on this constant "angel vs demon" mental battle. i’m just so tired and frustrated, i feel like there’s no escape because i don’t have a job to move out yet.
Has anyone else dealt with hyper-religious extremist parents like this?? how do you cope with the daily paranoia guys omfg
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Yea u gotta leave asap or at least have a support group (friends and other helpful people) to help you get out of your situation. And I don’t think the devil is “controlling” you to write this stuff because any sane person would not put up with this behavior. Your parents are gonna try to control you and find you once you leave their household and don’t let their cries or anger change your mind on leaving them because what you have is not a normal relationship between you and your parents. I hope the best for you and that once you put enough distance between you and ur parents, I hope you can continue doing art or things you once loved. It’s gonna be hard but I believe you can pull through and be in a better position than you once were. Once again, I hope the best for you!
I think you should play into their delusions. Tell them that God spoke to you saying that you MUST move out or else the devil is coming for you or something. They seem the type to believe it if you act well enough. Although my mom is also religious, all I got was a slap when I told her I'm atheist. I feel like your parents would be worse. Don't do anything that would send them spiraling even deeeper into psychosis like being honest. They'll think the devil has a hold of you and start doing even more crazy shit. (My mom had a bottle of holy water she would use on us if we acted out ) The easiest thing to do is to manipulate them using their own faith. I wish you all the best
Holy fuck,this is bad enough that I can’t tell if this is fake or not,I really hope it is but I don’t think so- if it’s not fake,what the actual fuck? You’re going to university and you’re being locked down like this!? I understand that parents can be strict and all but this is genuinely horrible. I’m sorry you have to deal with that because this is absolute bull shit I hope when you get to university you have more freedom
i do have strict parents, i cant go to parties, invite friends over, cant talk on the phone for more than 30 mins... but your post makes me feel so ungrateful... your parents are making you live in actual hell. They say they're supposed to reflect the character of christ, when all they reflect is the character of literal satan. how ironic. it's brainwashing in the name of religion.
i do know such things take a lot of time to heal, since it's been ingrained into you. for now, i'd say find a saving grace. literally anything. any piece of media/entertainment/literally anything that makes it easier to bear this insanity. talk to someone about all of this, anyone. vent more often. just dont bottle it in.
if child protection services or the equivalent are available where you live, contact them
try to find a support system in secret. a place to fall back on when you cut off all contact with them. try to do online jobs if you can to have at least a semblance of financial stability. when u turn 18 or whenever have to go to uni, move out as far as possible and immediately cut off ALL contact. you'll feel guilty, but you'll feel more free than you ever have if you go through it, trust me.
when you are independent of their clutches, therapy will be beneficial (even now, if it is possible to get therapy, do it). itll help you heal and overcome trauma, and maybe even pick up drawing again. itll take time, but youll get there. you got this. i am rooting for you ♡♡
you did not deserve any of this. hugs.
aw dude that actually sucks. Id say try and move out as soon as possible if thats a possibility? you mentioned that you're going to uni so is there a possibility you could stay in a dorm or sm where you would have more privacy/ space?
Oh i feel so bad for you... honestly as much as it's scary to leave i definitely think your paranoia will lessen as soon as you're out of the house. So even if it gives you anxiety just think of it as finally starting your own life . A new start