im asexual since i was a teenager, i always heard stuff like “you just havent found the right person”. I dont understand the appeal of dating. Yes i read about it but it just feels like 2 different things to me, like how manga and irl romance are not the same. Recently a friend of mine that studied psychology said that too which is weird because the friend knew im asexual long ago and said that it might be cuz of my background and i have issues unresolved, but then again i just cant picture myself with anyone at all. And of course as im getting older family start to question if i found someone or something similar. Just want to ask if the possibility of sexuality change in the future or anyone have similar experiences or advice?
My experience is sexual hormones are supposed to be sky high and pumping, which drive teenagers crazy, (i met quite a bunch of teens that are like that.) + make them do crazy things sometimes!
So good for you if you don't feel that. My question is, do you want to start a familly, is it a dream of yours or not at all ??
I wasn't asexual as a teen, but i felt the need to announce to my parents and my cousin at 12 yo that I didn't want to have kids. ! And that didn't change for me. So i feel in that case it doesn't matter at all if my libido changes and my attraction type for people change.
It just feels '' me '' and just feels right to be < childfree >
I managed to live true to myself, but that's because in my culture we changed as a society, women nor men are not obliged to getting married, so that's not a problem at all not to raise a familly, as i was able to skip marriage alltogether. ! So i live as my own person.
(And as me and my body are equipped with a uterus i am very grateful for efficient hormonal contraception.)
My view on the topic of asexuality, As the daughter of an asexual person (my mother. !!!) the reason i was born is that she has lived a sort of '' honeymoon phase '' where she felt < romantically and domestically attracted > to my father , and in that time she was able to ' do her duty ' as a spouse, as her main goal when she married was '' for love '' (and because staying single and living on her own wasn't a thing at that time in my country.) but also she harboured in her heart the desire '' to start a familly with her husband '' _ so she was motivated enough, At that time. But she wasn't the type of asexual person who is really repelled by the act nor the idea of having sex. She is '' sex neutral '' and not '' allergic to sex '' _
As she didn't especially liked / enjoyed having sex, but she ' didn't mind it ' + she never discovered masturbation on her own as an interesting and pleasurable activity, and she never had strong libido at all, so she doesn't miss being intimate with my father, at all.
They are just one of those couples who share(d) common goals, common property, + have a common social life with their shared friends, and also work together, but they aren't ' intimate ' in ' that way '.
(i have lived until 40 yo of age myself, that's why i know my mother < as if she was my child > it took me some time to understand how she ' operates ' because she doesn't share much about privacy and intimacy, but i figured. And she confirmed it.)
Okay. Well, so i would say from that experience and the experience of another couple that are the same generation than my parents, that it's possible that ' the honey moon phase ' helps someone who is ' demi sexual ' or ' sex neutral ' but " romantically high on bonding hormones '' ( like ocytocin and serotonin i suppose) to conceive, and feel good in their marriage. (Unless they are married to someone who is hypersexual or has high libido. Or high expectations around '' manifesting sexual bliss in their life. ''
The husband of the second couple (now divorced), told me his wife is asexual and that they had '' a little help from a ' libido enhancing pill '' (it seems that is a thing ? For women ?? not sure if it works on everybody and if it's healthy or not.)
Interestingly enough, that woman later admitted to that man, that she '' isn't asexual after all '' as she recovered a libido after the divorce and without the help of a ' libido enhancing pill ' ??? That's unexpected and ??? I don't know what to think about that. As we don't know everything about her teenage years. But she probably was demisexual ?? And was a late bloomer who was strikken with cupido arrows ?? ?? ?? Who knows ??
So it seems she started having fun in the bedroom after the divorce with her lover, at 55 or 60 yo ?? Something like that ??
Well. I don't know what to think. Just that life sometimes is full of surprises.
?
About me, and my own case, is that i was full of libido when i was young and started to be sexually active on my own at a very young age (who cares what age exactly.) that was long before i felt ' emotionnally ready for a relationship ' and i waited and wasn't sexually frustrated at all as i was taking care of my needs on my own. _ then i stopped wanting having sex after my < active adult relationship phase. > So after that phase of ' shared intimacy ' dating one partner. Then another. Then a third one. It just felt and feels like my ' life is complete ' lol and i don't feel the need to share my intimacy with anyone anymore.
It's the feeling i heard old ladies talk about, that they just feel ' the shop is closed. '
So yeah sometimes i wonder, what am i (asexual ? Demi sexual ?) i feel < domestic attraction > to people other than ' potential romantic/sexual partners '
I don't know about you but my plan was not to live on my own. (I surived living alone for 10 years of my adult life. I know i can do it. That's just not my preference.)
I always entertained the idea of sharing my everyday life , with other people, not necessarily familly, and not necessarily a '' romantic partner '' and i feel it doesn't matter.
I don't feel '' deprived '' because i am not '' someone's romantic and/or sexual partner ''
I don't need that at all.
But i feel very lucky that i was not forced into a lifestyle that wouldn't be '' me '' (raising+educating+feeding kids , and sharing a bed with someone i don't really like. And do ' God knows what ' in the name of ' duty or religion ' just make me feel sad and alienating and not my cup of tea.)
So ... Well did i overshare ? I just wanted to share what i know in terms of how things can evolve... I feel it depends on the motivation and the type of life and life style but also things we don't control at all. Like libido and sexual drive / sexual curiosity. (Not the same !)
So ... I don't know what your experience will be but , i believe being ' demi sexual ' is a thing, and that can be a bit annoying when ' the shop is closed '' after the honeymoon phase partying, when there is still a life partner lying in bed next to you expecting things to stay the same ... !
So if you are asexual and feel no need for another way, I want to say, Good for you !
And i hope you find your way and your own way of life that makes your life tasty and rewarding and that you find your tribe and people to vibe with. <333 good luck with everything. And all the hugs if you need it.
It's just who u r and it's fine to be asexual I'm like that too and I found alot of ppl here on mangago who told me I was normal and that there are ppl out there who will love u without a sexual relationship
Messages
My experience is sexual hormones are supposed to be sky high and pumping, which drive teenagers crazy, (i met quite a bunch of teens that are like that.)
+ make them do crazy things sometimes!
So good for you if you don't feel that. My question is, do you want to start a familly, is it a dream of yours or not at all ??
I wasn't asexual as a teen, but i felt the need to announce to my parents and my cousin at 12 yo that I didn't want to have kids. ! And that didn't change for me. So i feel in that case it doesn't matter at all if my libido changes and my attraction type for people change.
It just feels '' me '' and just feels right
to be < childfree >
I managed to live true to myself, but that's because in my culture we changed as a society, women nor men are not obliged to getting married, so that's not a problem at all not to raise a familly, as i was able to skip marriage alltogether. ! So i live as my own person.
(And as me and my body are equipped with a uterus i am very grateful for efficient hormonal contraception.)
My view on the topic of asexuality,
As the daughter of an asexual person (my mother. !!!) the reason i was born is that she has lived a sort of '' honeymoon phase '' where she felt < romantically and domestically attracted > to my father , and in that time she was able to ' do her duty ' as a spouse, as her main goal when she married was '' for love '' (and because staying single and living on her own wasn't a thing at that time in my country.)
but also she harboured in her heart the desire '' to start a familly with her husband '' _ so she was motivated enough,
At that time.
But she wasn't the type of asexual person who is really repelled by the act nor the idea of having sex. She is '' sex neutral '' and not '' allergic to sex '' _
As she didn't especially liked / enjoyed having sex, but she ' didn't mind it '
+ she never discovered masturbation on her own as an interesting and pleasurable activity, and she never had strong libido at all, so she doesn't miss being intimate with my father, at all.
They are just one of those couples who share(d) common goals, common property, + have a common social life with their shared friends, and also work together, but they aren't
' intimate ' in ' that way '.
(i have lived until 40 yo of age myself, that's why i know my mother < as if she was my child > it took me some time to understand how she ' operates ' because she doesn't share much about privacy and intimacy, but i figured. And she confirmed it.)
Okay.
Well, so i would say from that experience and the experience of another couple that are the same generation than my parents, that it's possible that ' the honey moon phase ' helps someone who is ' demi sexual ' or ' sex neutral ' but " romantically high on bonding hormones '' ( like ocytocin and serotonin i suppose) to conceive, and feel good in their marriage. (Unless they are married to someone who is hypersexual or has high libido. Or high expectations around '' manifesting sexual bliss in their life. ''
The husband of the second couple (now divorced), told me his wife is asexual and that they had '' a little help from a ' libido enhancing pill '' (it seems that is a thing ? For women ?? not sure if it works on everybody and if it's healthy or not.)
Interestingly enough, that woman later admitted to that man, that she '' isn't asexual after all '' as she recovered a libido after the divorce and without the help of a ' libido enhancing pill ' ??? That's unexpected and ??? I don't know what to think about that. As we don't know everything about her teenage years. But she probably was demisexual ?? And was a late bloomer who was strikken with cupido arrows ?? ?? ?? Who knows ??
So it seems she started having fun in the bedroom after the divorce with her lover, at 55 or 60 yo ?? Something like that ??
Well. I don't know what to think. Just that life sometimes is full of surprises.
?
About me, and my own case, is that i was full of libido when i was young and started to be sexually active on my own at a very young age (who cares what age exactly.) that was long before i felt ' emotionnally ready for a relationship ' and i waited and wasn't sexually frustrated at all as i was taking care of my needs on my own. _ then i stopped wanting having sex after my < active adult relationship phase. >
So after that phase of ' shared intimacy ' dating one partner. Then another. Then a third one. It just felt and feels like my ' life is complete ' lol and i don't feel the need to share my intimacy with anyone anymore.
It's the feeling i heard old ladies talk about, that they just feel ' the shop is closed. '
So yeah sometimes i wonder, what am i (asexual ? Demi sexual ?) i feel < domestic attraction > to people other than ' potential romantic/sexual partners '
I don't know about you but my plan was not to live on my own. (I surived living alone for 10 years of my adult life. I know i can do it. That's just not my preference.)
I always entertained the idea of sharing my everyday life , with other people, not necessarily familly, and not necessarily a '' romantic partner '' and i feel it doesn't matter.
I don't feel '' deprived '' because i am not '' someone's romantic and/or sexual partner ''
I don't need that at all.
But i feel very lucky that i was not forced into a lifestyle that wouldn't be '' me '' (raising+educating+feeding kids , and sharing a bed with someone i don't really like. And do ' God knows what ' in the name of ' duty or religion ' just make me feel sad and alienating and not my cup of tea.)
So ... Well did i overshare ? I just wanted to share what i know in terms of how things can evolve... I feel it depends on the motivation and the type of life and life style but also things we don't control at all. Like libido and sexual drive / sexual curiosity.
(Not the same !)
So ... I don't know what your experience will be but , i believe being ' demi sexual ' is a thing, and that can be a bit annoying when ' the shop is closed '' after the honeymoon phase partying, when there is still a life partner lying in bed next to you expecting things to stay the same ... !
So if you are asexual and feel no need for another way,
I want to say,
Good for you !
And i hope you find your way and your own way of life that makes your life tasty and rewarding and that you find your tribe and people to vibe with. <333 good luck with everything. And all the hugs if you need it.
It's just who u r and it's fine to be asexual
I'm like that too and I found alot of ppl here on mangago who told me I was normal and that there are ppl out there who will love u without a sexual relationship