Old friends who died

I feel kind of somber rn js reflecting, my friend told me today one of our friends from middle school died last week, after school I didn’t really keep in touch but it’s still surreal that someone my age that I knew died it always makes me so sad, I’m not a stranger to ppl dying but idk its weird knowing I used to interact w/ them it made me spiral a little thinking abt ppl I loved who also died.
Death kind of scares me even though it’s constantly surrounding me espically this and last year I’ve been dancing that line a long time with dangerous substances and have talked about how I wanted to die

Life is so short for shitty friends and bad decisions and trust me I’ve made alot of bad decisions, but life is kind of too long for that impending doom ts
Like my bestfriend that I really need to breakup with life is too short even though sunk cost fallacy is keeping me in a chokehold
Even all of my friends I love talking and interacting w/ them but I can’t help to think that I’m bothering them really bad when I text them idk esp when they don’t reach out but one I’m probably paranoid and 2 life too long for me to be overly stressing out abt dat
Anyways off topic kind of
That’s abt it
ahhh