I am terrible

There is this guy I met in an online game (MMO) back in 2023. Back then, we didn't really interact much since we were in different guilds. Around 2024, as with most MMOs, the player population grew smaller, and his guild leader asked me to play for them in the weekly guild duel. I said yes, and that’s how we grew closer.

I am the type of person who talks even during awkward silences. So, while waiting in the Discord lobby for the rest of the team to join voice chat, I asked if he liked Pokémon and played Pokémon TCG Pocket, since his Discord name was Pokémon-related. He said yes, and after that, he started chatting with me constantly on Discord.
At that point, I didn't think much of it. Since I had joined their guild, we had already seen each other's socials, and he wasn't particularly my type. I just treated him like a friend.

A few months passed, and I realized he was messaging me constantly. Telling me about things in his country, sharing game-related videos, and talking about his hobbies. I would update him about my life as well. During this time, I started liking the constant attention. We began playing a ton of co-op games, constantly voice calling, and chatting throughout the day.

We are both from Asian countries, which I noticed made him more reserved. He told me that he had never dated anyone before, even in college, and didn't really know how to interact with women. He said I was the first person with whom he had formed a deep connection. As we got closer, he would mention in passing how he wanted to visit my country or suggested that I visit his, but nothing ever came of those plans.

I honestly thought he would confess after almost a year of talking. We played games together for hours every day, and he opened up about his family. Something he had seemed pretty hesitant to do. But I kept waiting and waiting, and nothing happened.

We were stuck in a limbo where he would tell me how important I was to him, leaving me to think that this was the best he could do or say. Honestly, my own pride and upbringing made me uncomfortable with confessing that I had grown to like him.

Eventually, I got tired. In my head, I was pouring my time into a person who couldn't even be bothered to make me his girlfriend. I realized I didn't want a guy who chose not to move forward with his feelings. It was frustrating because he seemed happy and content having someone close to a girlfriend without stepping out of his comfort zone. And maybe because I wouldn't confess either, it just meant he wasn't really that special to me.

So, I ghosted him. not outright, but I stopped everything: the gaming and the all-day chatting. He tried his best to keep up with my interests, though. He read the books I read, studied Japanese because I mentioned I was learning it, and bought blind boxes I mentioned I liked. At that point, I found it creepy and intense because I no longer liked him. In fact, I resented him even more as he tried harder. He is overly sentimental.

On my birthday, he gifted me games on Steam, to which I sent only a quick "thank you" message. He kept sending me game-related videos, funny memes, and photos of scenery from places he visited, but I stopped replying altogether. Even when his birthday came, I didn't bother sending him a message.

Later, I decided to sell my MMO gear because it was worth a lot of money and I had fully decided to quit. He messaged me about it, saying he felt sad, but since I had to move on with my life, he was happy for me.

I replied briefly. I didn't ask him for help selling my items because I didn't want to feel like I owed him a favor, but he insisted on buying my stuff. I gave in simply because it was exhausting to keep arguing about it.

I think that interaction signaled something different to him, because he started inviting me to games again and sending me messages throughout the day. He wanted to play the new update of the game we used to play together. Feeling obligated because he bought my gear, I agreed to one game. After that run, he said he would research the new update so we could play better next time. No longer wanting to be a people-pleaser, I told him I was tired of gaming and that he should just play the new update without me.


I feel like a total ass. I know I wasn't a saint in all of this, and I was aware that I was breadcrumbing him and using intermittent reinforcement. But now, I am truly just tired of him. It feels surprisingly freeing to know that I won't have to deal with him anymore.