Karma?
Firstly, I will say truthfully that I do playfully downgrade someone as a joke like I call em dumb, idiot etc etc etc, but as soon as they reach out to me, I will apologize, acknowledge my fault and my wrongs especially if their offended and hurt. I acknowledge them seriously. Many had opened up about this toxic personality of mine of playfully downgrading someone without me not noticing how it could affect them, so I did what I could do, "Change". I stopped altogether, downgrading someone, insulting em in a joking way etc etc. I'm not so good at expressing myself...
So anyways, yes, I stopped doing those bad habit, my toxic personality of downgrading someone and etc since I felt very very bad when they opened up to me saying they hate my toxic personality etc etc. in a way, humans have flaws, like who isn't, right? Back to topic, since the day I stopped cursing at them and downgrading them if I'm stressed or pressured or just had that mood to do so, everything was okay, I was able to hangout with my friends(classmates) normally except for this one girl who wouldn't let go of my toxic personality, I won't blame them, I admit I was a terrible person. She started targeting me left and right, everyday without a miss, insulting me saying "Here comes this bragger/show off/ knows it all/ cringe, talking nonsense again *proceeds to mocking me*." Exactly like this, she said this to me in my face, playfully/jokingly in front of my friends whenever I tried to talk or join in the fun. Without a miss, she kept triggering me like fr I wanted to rip off her mouth, she kept insulting me below the belt saying I'm cringe that I post cringe stuffs in social media that what I'm saying are total nonsense (sometimes yes but not always, for fun). Generally, to keep it short, she's, as if, getting her revenge??? Mocking me everyday, left and right. But I never ever offended her before, like fr, I don't even remember hanging out with her that much, it's more on academic works like group projects do I talk with her. The worst part, whenever she slips in my conversation with my friends, my friends will side with her and join her at nitpicking and using me as the subject of their jokes and etc, what's even worse their jokes are getting more personal and going below the belt, they called me names like ugly,show off, cringe, fatherless and all just straight mocking me , I felt very insulted that everytime I couldn't hold it in, I rush towards the restroom and cry it out silently. Just last week, I confronted her saying her jokes are getting below the belt and personal but her reaction was fcking AGHHHHHHH. She said, "I'm just messing around, why make it a big issue? Hahah, did my ragebating worked?" Like tf. She kept justifying her actions as "JUST" ragebating.
Idk if this is my karma so I endured her treatment with me, it's been a month honestly, I'm a pacifist so I never report her or anything or try to fight her. I just say to myself this is just karma coming at me because of my toxic personality that hurted everyone without me knowing.
I don't even know anymore, I don't want to defend myself since I also did wrong but I just felt this is also wrong.
Like what they say, "You enjoy the pain of the others but hates pain on yourself." A hypocrite, I think I'm a hypocrite. I'm so lost, I wrote this so I could let out some steam that's building up. (It's a mess honestly)
Messages
if you understood why what you did was wrong and you stoped making jokes about your friends, you dont deserve this
she's worse than you and thinks she has the right to harass you (yes harass this is not ragebaiting but harassment) bc you "did the same" but it's wlearly not the case
she's being a bitch and you should report her to your teachers or smt like that (i assume your teenager sorry if you're not)
Big NO. That does not give them the right to get back at you like that. That's not treating you as a friend, that is just plain bullying, pettiness and vengeance. Yes, you did wrong before, and you've been held accountable by your friends already. You guys talked it out, they opened up about it and you changed. And by your words, you've changed how you behaved already. Whatever "grudge" that should have been there, should have been gone and done. If they really NEEDED to get back at you like that, they should have told you before. This is just emotional blackmail and weaponizing past mistakes to bully you. Whatever wrongs before that you did isn't a free license for whatever wrongs they did to you next. That's not how it works. Please talk it out with them because that's crossing boundaries
She has the right to dislike you and have her personal feelings about you, but I think she crossed the line when she started to make fun of you. Im judging this from an outsider perspective because I don't know how harsh you were when you used to insult people jokingly, but if you've started to change and other people have started to acknowledge it and realize youre different, AND choose to interact with you on their own, then in my opinion they should let the past go.
I mean, even if youre a hypocrite, isn't she too? If she admitted to being hurt by your behavior, then what prompts her to do the same just to get you back? She'd understand how hurtful that more than anyone who wasn't a target. Which is what confuses me a little ngl, does she seem like she has a grudge on you or is she actually just joking most of the time?