So recently a family member of mine who I was somewhat close to died and I didn’t feel anything after learning the news. I know it wasn’t that I was in shock it was just that I didn’t care. And I feel like a monster for even saying that, but I truly didn’t care. I’ve always been kinda odd around death no matter what but one incident that sticks with me was when I was in elementary this kid who I knew died and was pretty close to, and I remember so clearly hearing about it in class from the teacher who was in tears and I didn’t feel shit, not sadness or anger just nothing and all I could think about is can we get back on the class schedule now. But I looked around my class and saw everyone starting to cry & sobbing and I thought “oh we’re supposed to cry now??” So I forced myself to cry even though I didn’t feel anything. I don’t know how to explain it but I just really don’t care when friends, family or even our household pets die. It’s always been like this as a kid and I hated myself for it but I can’t force myself to feel something I don’t feel at. I never once truly felt sad for someone passing who I knew even if they were a pet I was raised with. I know it’s not normal and it’s kinda scary when I think about it but I really don’t know what to do about it.
The fact that you’re questioning/concerned about it is a good sign; people process grief in different ways. I can sort of relate. I don’t cry on the spot because the feeling of people seeing me cry makes me feel weird (idk why). But when I’m alone, I guess I do have a few sniffles, but nothing too long either I just move on quickly. Maybe the thought of losing them might hit us like bricks 10 years from now. We won’t know how or why our brain works the way it does, just know that even if you never feel it the way others do, that doesn’t make you a monster at all.
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do you have trouble relating with other people's emotions and hurt too? if so, there's a word for that.
Ya I do?? How’d you know??
The fact that you’re questioning/concerned about it is a good sign; people process grief in different ways. I can sort of relate. I don’t cry on the spot because the feeling of people seeing me cry makes me feel weird (idk why). But when I’m alone, I guess I do have a few sniffles, but nothing too long either I just move on quickly. Maybe the thought of losing them might hit us like bricks 10 years from now. We won’t know how or why our brain works the way it does, just know that even if you never feel it the way others do, that doesn’t make you a monster at all.