turning 20
im turning 20 in a month and is it universal experience but i feel like im losing all of my friends. because of the some stuff, the uni studies are online and it's my last year of studing. my home and my uni are in the different parts of the country so for the time of online im back home where i dont have any friends, im sitting at home all the time cause we live in the rural area where there isnt any shops or smth. all of my friends are in their hometowns as well. we are pretty active online, playing games together and stuff, but i have noticed that i am the only person to engage something. it's me who has to ask everyone if they want to play. im reallyyy tired of this cause it feels like im the only person who wants to keep our friendship alive. i talked about it with them and they confirmed that our friendgroup is alive only because im active and group everyone. yeah, we talked, and they still didn't do anything. (i dont need them to hang me the moon, just a little efforts, show they care) i told everyone privately how i feel about it, what i wanted them to do and that i really want our friendship to last after uni ends.
now, we go to the part where i gave up. so, as usual, i was playing on call with 2 of my friends and i was talking how i started rewatching "young royals" and, not to get to deep, i was pretty seriously telling them how it was hard for me during school to get along with my classmates. and my friend started joking (more related to young royals but it was still strange cause i was talking seriously). i asked him to stop cause i felt really uncomfortable with it, but he still played it as a joke. my other friend was busy at that moment, but was still on call. i got quiet after this and we haven't played anymore. i stopped calling them, texted only when needed. they didn't make any steps either. i know my friend (who joked) has ocd and depression and i've always tried to be mindfull of his condition not to offend him. but when it comes to me (i also have diagnosed depression and anxiety disorder) its okay to joke, I MEAN, it's okay to joke, but when the person says stop YOU HAVE TO STOP. and maybe apologise???? idk i felt like it was the last straw, honestly, i have been maybe not the best, but really good friend (i feel like i have already written a lot but trust me we've been through water and fire). i know they wont change and i had to stop trying, i mean, i had my expectations about them and they didn't live up my expectations AND IT'S TOTALLY OKAY it's only my problem atp.
it just feels sad to part ways cause we really went through a lot together. but at the end of the day everyone has to make a step, but here i was running towards them and they were walking away. the only one thing i am afraid of - now i have a few friends to talk to and i know if they text me i will answer and it feels like a loop of them treting me wrongly and me forgiving them.
if you read to this point hahah thank you sm i don't know where else i can talk about it. im alo reading orv novel rn, what chapter are you on?? ╮(￣▽￣)╭
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"here i was running towards them and they were walking away"???? explained my experience too. i put in so much effort and i thought wait let me chill to see if they pick up the slack and ummm they didn't.
some advice (if u want) is to try and do things on ur own by urself. i think many ppl don't know how to spend time alone so they let friends and romantic partners walk all over them when it's important to recognise the only person u can truly rely on is u. once u have that embedded in u the ppl u meet who don't meet ur standards will fall through the sieve and only the strong ones will remain. and then u will see u can actually rely on others too.
easier said than done btw but isn't everything. good luck friend!!
actually, yesterday i went to drawing club in the nearest city to my home for the first time because i wanted to try smth new. and i didn't really talk to anyone there but this experience was really precious to me. i think you're right about not knowing how to spend time alone. im learning and i think it's a part of growing up.
thank you sm for advice! i hope everything turns out good for you, friend!
It's normal for friendships to grow weaker or break off, especially at that age. People grow in different directions and that's okay. You have your whole life ahead of you to make dozens more friends who align more closely with who you'll become in the future. I'm the friend that rarely reaches out or texts first since I've always felt like I was bothering the other person and I'm more of a solitary person, but I will always pick up the phone or text back immediately. My friends understand that and we stick it out.
I'm 20, turning 21 in a few months and I've also been losing friendships, or rather my friendships have been changing and getting weaker... I don't think you were wrong for wanting them to put more effort, its understandable that you felt like your expectations were not met with the same results, I do think that them realizing you are the one keeping the friendship going and still deciding to not put in enough effort is a sign that they may just be losing interest. That by itself is not a bad thing, now I'm someone who thinks rather logically sometimes, I believe that friendships are sometimes meant to fade away to help you mature further, I'm not saying this is certainly the case here, but if it is, rather than fighting the waves and trying to keep a friendship that is meant to end, swim with the waves and let your mind be free from these thoughts that bother you, its important to know that just because a friendship is weak or non existent now doesn't mean it can't become better / return later on, it seems like you have talked to them thoroughly about your frustrations which is why Im saying that,,
what you had together was genuine and meaningful, and I think it's important to acknowledge and understand that even if they're not providing you with what you need from a friendship now. They're probably struggling and tackling their own issues, but you don't have to keep putting yourself in a position where you're repeatedly disappointed just because you have history with these people, you can understand that they impacted your life in certain ways and choose to take a step back when it feels right.
I know this might not soften the landing as much as I would hope for it to, I just want you to understand that being lost right now is lowk relatable, I'm losing the connection I had with same people and Im growing tired of interacting with old friends, its possible that we just both grew out of a phase and have become incompatible, that is fine ! Parting ways is different from closing the door entirely, you can still let them in if they decide to treat you better and put effort in the relationship again
× as of ORV...I already read the novel 6 times in a row, I hyperfixated HARD on the story I custom made a hoodie just for it
honestly thank you sm, you're totally right, ig i will let it go and swim with the waves. i mean, nothing will change with me crying about it. i knew it would happen, we would grow apart, but i didn't think it would happen so quickly. i feel like a desperate ex hahahah. i think i just need some time cause im lonely asf at home and all i do is overthinking it.
6 TIMES IN A ROW???? it's my first time i literally know nothing about the end or idk, im on chapter 266!