Help (I keep getting more and more socially awkward..)

So I've kind of always been a person that hasn't had the closest relationship to family, and haven't seen my mom's side in pretty much a decade, especially due to the fact that we left the country they're at because of.. reasons... and here we haven't seen my dad's side in 6 years... My mom and I haven't been close to them in the begging honestly, since they probably don't care about us much, but I was with my cousins, and always got happy to stay over with them, which is why i'm upset since i'm nervous that I'm gonna meet them again after such a long time... I'm afraid i'll be awkward, and i'm noticing I'm getting worse since in 2017 a cousin I haven't seen since I was very little came over and I was okay with it... This year... idk what's going on with me... I hate being like this too, when I was a kid I was super confident, and I know exactly what changed that, although that was years ago, and I dont want this post to be longer than it already is.... So if anyone else experiences the same things as me, or could help me, please do