Did you guys know that Genshin Impact has a newspaper trolling DONALD. TRUMP.

Snezhnaya Vestnik
Hiring Private Guard for Top Pay

HIRING URGENTLY! TOP PAY!

I, Grand Duke Diomid Turzov, seek to employ private guards and am prepared to offer generous compensation to suitable candidates.
(The sentence above was the best my servant could write. I fired him as soon as he finished it. He had no culture, no sense, and was very, very stupid. So I'm writing the rest myself. Everything below was written by me, Grand Duke Turzov, your favorite Grand Duke.)

I built a fountain. It is enormous. Without question, it is the most beautiful fountain in all of Snezhnaya. Maybe even the most beautiful in all of Teyvat. Better than the Fountain of Lucine. Much better. Everyone's talking about it. Then some horrible Tidalga got into the fountain. From Fontaine! They made the water look ugly. Total disaster. Very sad. But I fixed it. I did what no one else was brave enough to do! I drained the fountain and painted the bottom with beautiful, bright paint. After that, it looked incredible. So incredible!

Then the idiots on the Snezhnograd Veche ruined everything. There is something very wrong with their brains, by the way. They knew the paint would feed the Tidalga, but did they tell me? No. Of course not. Soon there were more Tidalga than ever! Total disaster! But I fixed that too. I always do. I poured a huge amount of bleach into the fountain, and it became clean again. I won. A historic victory, like no one's ever seen!

But the thugs from the Rokot are still not giving up. They want to destroy everything. My big, beautiful paint has started peeling. My servants say the bleach caused it, but that is obviously fake news. Totally fake. The truth is simple! Those losers are sneaking into the manor at night and tearing the paint off with their filthy hands! Embarrassing. So embarrassing!

These paint-scraping lunatics will be found, and we're gonna lock them up! To make sure of that, I am going to spend a great, super great deal of money hiring the biggest, toughest, strongest warriors money can buy. A very, very great deal of money. Thank you for your attention to this matter.


My guys I will never hate this game ever again.