I haven't yet because I know I am still young and that their are more experiences to come but I'm finding it hard to keep convincing myself to keep on living. Its worse because I don't feel like there is anyone close enough to care to understand, that doesn't already believe that it was entirely my fault.
The situation happened some time ago, roughly when I was around 13ish, when one of my friends at the time confided that they were bi. At the time 13 year old me didn't really know what it was or the prejudice surrounding it and accidentally told someone who I thought would have already known but didn't as they were closer to the friend than I was. To make matters worse I mixed up some file with anime fan art (you can guess the type) that was next to it and made them feel uncomfortable. I feel as though we could have come to an understanding about it between the two of us but it got blown up as they told their friends about it (which is understandable) who then confronted me about the files at lunch in front of everyone. I wasn't even close to the person who started it. It dragged on till the end of the break where it never really got resolved and nobody really believing that it was just an honest mistake on my part. My school having a counsellor for these sort of disagreements that not the right word but anyway-, I felt even more betrayed as they (friend) still kept acting as my friend till that point and didn't try to settle thing privately. Now I keep on thinking that I missed something that I did worse that warranted such a social execution.
Even now I feel as though that day has affected how people interact with me, and I wasn't the most sociable to begin with. I keep trying to make new connections with the new people who join the school every year but they always seem to get along better with that friend and then start treating me differently. In addition I still have another 3 year in this school and I just don't know if I will be able to survive. My grades keep dropping every year but the standard for the the school program I'm in keeps getter higher till the point where they want perfect grades. The pressure is crushing me and I'm not even in the hardest years yet.
Anyway if you read all that I'm sorry for trauma-dumping this onto you and thank you.
Dont do it man, permanent solutions to temporary problems (even if the temporary problem seems huge at the time) always end up with you drawing the short end of the stick.
Try your best in school but if it doesn’t end up well, that’s okay too. School isn’t for everyone and it doesn’t have to be, as long as you pass and get a degree you will be totally fine (or even a degree equivalent). Trade school, apprenticeships and even base corporate jobs (like assistants and receptionists) can feed you fairly well and dont often care about grades.
You don’t need to feel sorry at all and there is no shame in reaching out to people for support, if possible please talk to a trusted adult/professional irl because they would likely know better how to help you and help you get resources (for school/jobs/life) than internet strangers. Lock in my dude, you can do this
Honestly dude, I’m sure shit is hard right now but I’d still hold on if I were u; when ur in school it’s such a small part of ur life so if u have it in u, try to keep pushing and see how good life can be. I wish u the best-(⌒▽⌒)
Honestly, same for me tho it’s cause of our economy. It’s like I’m working to live instead of living to work and it just seems fucking pointless cause it’s like damn you just never have enough money. Honestly, wat keeps me here is just thinking about my hobbies and how I wouldn’t see the end of a show that I like if I were to end it all.
Messages
Dont do it man, permanent solutions to temporary problems (even if the temporary problem seems huge at the time) always end up with you drawing the short end of the stick.
Try your best in school but if it doesn’t end up well, that’s okay too. School isn’t for everyone and it doesn’t have to be, as long as you pass and get a degree you will be totally fine (or even a degree equivalent). Trade school, apprenticeships and even base corporate jobs (like assistants and receptionists) can feed you fairly well and dont often care about grades.
You don’t need to feel sorry at all and there is no shame in reaching out to people for support, if possible please talk to a trusted adult/professional irl because they would likely know better how to help you and help you get resources (for school/jobs/life) than internet strangers. Lock in my dude, you can do this
Honestly dude, I’m sure shit is hard right now but I’d still hold on if I were u; when ur in school it’s such a small part of ur life so if u have it in u, try to keep pushing and see how good life can be. I wish u the best-(⌒▽⌒)
Honestly, same for me tho it’s cause of our economy. It’s like I’m working to live instead of living to work and it just seems fucking pointless cause it’s like damn you just never have enough money. Honestly, wat keeps me here is just thinking about my hobbies and how I wouldn’t see the end of a show that I like if I were to end it all.