we got back into contact in 2024 and have gotten closer since then. I found out she lied to me though and not sure if I should bring it up. she ended up living with now ex best friend for 3 months because of some issues at home. I was unaware at the time she hid this from me, I just thought she was being flaky or an ass to me as she would miss a lot of class Or cancel on me a lot. the reasoning she gave me was usually I didn’t feel like going or I had plans with said friend. she would ask to borrow my things then would mention oh I accidentally left said item at my friends house, or I was hanging out at my friends out today so I parked in front of her house let’s walk to it. forgetting she promised me things or would flake on me a lot, one particular moment in mind was the only time I asked her to please take notes for class I went to my family’s funeral with a one months notice and she said she wasnt going to class last min she didn’t give a reasoning just that my day wasnt going to good so I’m not going. At that point I considered her unreliable.
look, im like sure that was a very tough time in her life and I wish I gave her more grace in the moment but I was completely unaware Even if details were vauge I’d rather you tell me you’re struggling rn than being like i js don’t wanna go. I kind of feel weird all those interactions in retrospect as I can’t really trust anything that comes of her mouth in those few months. we saw eachother everyday and hungout A lot so I thought we were close I guess not..? I literally wish I hadn’t told her everything about my life and what was going on at that moment too then
things got better after the semester ended, and we gotten closer, we still see each other everyday and hangout even more, we’ve gotten even closer than before but This is kind of bothering me. I only found out since she hid a rebound with her ex from me then had to explain everything over text because im like what are you talking about but that shit bothered me. ive never brought it up again other then asking for my shit back. however I also don’t know if i would be an ass for even bringing this up. its technically not my business however atleast come up with a better excuse next time I beg you
I think for your sake, for closure & to see if you can even continue being friends with her, you should ask but gently, tactfully.
You have to prepare, this is important, going to be emotional , and will either make or break your trust in that friendship further.
On a paper (you can draft on ur phone, but ultimately it's best to physically handwrite it out) make a list of your questions, make a timeline , what you want to ask for clarification, what was going on in your lives at this point of time (such as a few details for better recall and to not get mixed up, the year &what class you asked the friend to take notes, what boyfriend the rebound was with and if it was the 1st or 2nd time, the items you let her borrow that you had to demand back and if she still has other things , etc)
Like I said, this is to keep track, to visually see it and you can showthe other person (maybe even give it to them, to jog their memory or for her to add her own input in writing)
Idk about you but I often mix things up, think something happend a year earlier than it did or forgot that the same month I accomplished A, I also had a minor car accident
Find a place that's comfortable & safe to have this private conversation. Where neither of you feels in danger, insecure, boxed in, threatened. So that if either you or she wants to leave , can freely do so.
Speak calmly, honestly, and be upfront.
Don't do ultimatums Do not attack her with something she told you in trust Do not use ppast mistakes against her
Try not to let her do the same to you. Call it out and tell her it's not right if she treats you unfair or disrespectful.
Sorry if this is bad advice, or doesn't help you at all
Messages
I think for your sake, for closure & to see if you can even continue being friends with her, you should ask but gently, tactfully.
You have to prepare, this is important, going to be emotional , and will either make or break your trust in that friendship further.
On a paper (you can draft on ur phone, but ultimately it's best to physically handwrite it out) make a list of your questions, make a timeline , what you want to ask for clarification, what was going on in your lives at this point of time
(such as a few details for better recall and to not get mixed up, the year &what class you asked the friend to take notes, what boyfriend the rebound was with and if it was the 1st or 2nd time, the items you let her borrow that you had to demand back and if she still has other things , etc)
Like I said, this is to keep track, to visually see it and you can showthe other person (maybe even give it to them, to jog their memory or for her to add her own input in writing)
Idk about you but I often mix things up, think something happend a year earlier than it did or forgot that the same month I accomplished A, I also had a minor car accident
Find a place that's comfortable & safe to have this private conversation.
Where neither of you feels in danger, insecure, boxed in, threatened.
So that if either you or she wants to leave , can freely do so.
Speak calmly, honestly, and be upfront.
Don't do ultimatums
Do not attack her with something she told you in trust
Do not use ppast mistakes against her
Try not to let her do the same to you.
Call it out and tell her it's not right if she treats you unfair or disrespectful.
Sorry if this is bad advice, or doesn't help you at all
Wish you best of luck
Take care of yourself
<3