having no irl friends really never gets easier. no matter how many years pass of not having friends I still get excited and want to share things i think are funny and cute or whatever before remembering i don't have anyone i can feel comfortable sharing it with. And no matter how many years passs without a hug i still crave them even though i can't quite remember what they feel like. And even though i know i have no one to share my daily plans or what i succeeded or failed at that day I still look for someone to tell when i think of them. I have a few online friends but its really not the same and i'm always tip toeing trying not to be a burden because i know they have real lives outside discord but still give in and share too much or complain when we really arent close enough for me to do that and not just feel like I've burdened them. I really feel so so horrible the past few weeks spending many hours just sobbing on the floor and the most i can do is type a few letters into the void. I've tried so hard to make the jealousy i feel watching others interact feel the same as the jealousy i feel watching a bird fly. just something i can appreciate and accept isn't going to happen for me in this life. But it never gets easier and i never stop looking for a way to just connect with anyone.
i know this is a vent so feel free to ignore my reply.
the most difficult advice to receive but try and put yourself out there. try to do hobbies like workshops or where you have to interact with other people. you might not immediately make a friend but it’s a great way to practice your communication skills, and to accept rejection when the people you talk to just want to have that one chat and not take it further. team hobbies or team sports forces you to talk with others. and if you end up enjoying it you naturally will gravitate towards those in your team who enjoy it too and want to talk about it. there’s always time to make friends. that jealously is so heavy and makes you want it now. but if you slow down and look at the interactions you have in front if you it’s possible one of them might become a friend. if you lack those interactions then heed my aforementioned advice. this probably isn’t helpful, sorry good luck babe
no thanks for the response. I just hate myself so much that any interaction i do have makes me spiral about everything i do wrong so i get really suicidal after interacting with people. rn im working in therapy on the self hatred and hopefully getting rid of it because i really dont want to hate myself anymore i'm so tired of it. I think eventually i'll be able to try joining workshops and trying to meet people but i don't have the confidence to get a job even if it has limited human interaction it just makes me spiral about how horrible of a person i am. I want to be around people but i don't want them to percieve me rn and that doesn't really work so i'm trying to work on the hating being perceived part. but yes i will eventually take your advice when i know it wont make me kms
no thanks for the response. I just hate myself so much that any interaction i do have makes me spiral about everything i do wrong so i get really suicidal after interacting with people. rn im working in therapy... lil mew mew
i meant like "no don't worry i appreciate it! thanks for the response" not like "no thanks"
no thanks for the response. I just hate myself so much that any interaction i do have makes me spiral about everything i do wrong so i get really suicidal after interacting with people. rn im working in therapy... lil mew mew
definitely work on regulating your emotions first. life or death situations is the most important. i’m glad you’re in therapy to work on this and gaining advice from a professional because i'm far from one. i hate being perceived sometimes too. in social situations i'm okay because when i reach my limit i can just leave but with jobs it's impossible for me too. hope the road to recovery is free of debris and you gain some meaningful friendships along the way also learn to do things alone because (this might sound corny) your biggest supporter can be you, if you can stop running from yourself. i don’t know you but i bet you aren’t horrible
definitely work on regulating your emotions first. life or death situations is the most important. i’m glad you’re in therapy to work on this and gaining advice from a professional because i'm far from one.... saudade
sometimes i wake up with nail marks on my arms and blood under my fingernails from holding myself so tight in my sleep that i bleed just dreaming of someone else holding me.
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i know this is a vent so feel free to ignore my reply.
the most difficult advice to receive but try and put yourself out there. try to do hobbies like workshops or where you have to interact with other people. you might not immediately make a friend but it’s a great way to practice your communication skills, and to accept rejection when the people you talk to just want to have that one chat and not take it further. team hobbies or team sports forces you to talk with others. and if you end up enjoying it you naturally will gravitate towards those in your team who enjoy it too and want to talk about it. there’s always time to make friends. that jealously is so heavy and makes you want it now. but if you slow down and look at the interactions you have in front if you it’s possible one of them might become a friend. if you lack those interactions then heed my aforementioned advice.
this probably isn’t helpful, sorry
good luck babe
no thanks for the response. I just hate myself so much that any interaction i do have makes me spiral about everything i do wrong so i get really suicidal after interacting with people. rn im working in therapy on the self hatred and hopefully getting rid of it because i really dont want to hate myself anymore i'm so tired of it. I think eventually i'll be able to try joining workshops and trying to meet people but i don't have the confidence to get a job even if it has limited human interaction it just makes me spiral about how horrible of a person i am. I want to be around people but i don't want them to percieve me rn and that doesn't really work so i'm trying to work on the hating being perceived part. but yes i will eventually take your advice when i know it wont make me kms
i meant like "no don't worry i appreciate it! thanks for the response" not like "no thanks"
definitely work on regulating your emotions first. life or death situations is the most important. i’m glad you’re in therapy to work on this and gaining advice from a professional because i'm far from one. i hate being perceived sometimes too. in social situations i'm okay because when i reach my limit i can just leave but with jobs it's impossible for me too. hope the road to recovery is free of debris and you gain some meaningful friendships along the way also learn to do things alone because (this might sound corny) your biggest supporter can be you, if you can stop running from yourself. i don’t know you but i bet you aren’t horrible
(づ￣ ³￣)づ thank you
sometimes i wake up with nail marks on my arms and blood under my fingernails from holding myself so tight in my sleep that i bleed just dreaming of someone else holding me.