I miss her

She had been a friend for 2 years, and a horrible one at that. She peer pressured me into a relationship with another guy, and when we broke up, she kept on telling me to go back to him. She knew he fucked me mentally, yet she still kept on doing it. Once, I gave her a hand made gift and she just scanned me up and down before smiling indulgently. She made fun of my acne and my body, and compared me an obese kid in class, calling me his sister (derogatorily). It wasn't like she was rich and spoiled either; her family was economically lower than mine, not that I gave a shit. She knew that, and was also aware that I did not care, and I wonder if that was the reason she treated me so badly. She is very beautiful, with clear skin, and jet black wavy hair, which looks pretty even unkempt. She is an appropriate weight (55 kilos, I think) and is at a petite height of 5"6. She is street smart and has a brother who is equally handsome, so I thought we were evenly matched, considering I was the complete opposite of whatever she is, looks and background wise. She crossed the line by trying to come in the middle of me and another friend who was like a sister to me. I confronted her about it, and she said that "the sister like equivalent of that friend to you is you to me. I have never had a friend like you, so of course I'll make mistakes. She's the one coming in the middle of the both of us, and I feel like a side character." I finally cut her off around 3 months after that, because I felt guilty about pretending to be a good friend to a person who I deeply resented at the time.

She later cried in my arms on my birthday and asked me what was wrong. I told her that nothing was wrong, and walked away.

She had a problem when I told her I had gotten a new boyfriend, and told me to not tell anyone else about this and break up with him. I told her that I don't want to, and that he is kind of a breath of fresh air for me. She told me that she didn't care, and that I had disappointed her.

Recently, I have started to miss her. I can still vividly remember the way her laugh sounded when she found something really funny, and the way she would grab my hand when we would play hooky and skip out classes to hang out in the corridors instead. A teacher once said that we were "1 soul divided into 2 bodies". Her scent was vanilla or coffee or citrus; it was homely. Something you'd expect from a mother who stays in the kitchen all day so that she can feed her children tasty dishes.

She hated everything about me, so I wonder why I like her so much. I also wonder why she chose to stay by my side for 2 years before I finally cut her off.

I'll probably continue to miss her till my death. But that's the cycle of life, and we can't do anything to stop it.