404's question (2)

anyone just mindlessly scroll through their camera roll for hours and just,,, discover shit that's in there that you dont even remember saving- like-

sometimes i would just go through one album of photos and another time it'd be the whole camera roll, and even if i scroll through them like-

2 times each week, there's always something new and cursed that i find as if it just.... popped up out of no where

and i would mostly do this on VC with a friend too and they'd literally get so concerned on why i started laughing the way i did and i'd send them the pic and they'd just- disown me

i usually dont do this but im actually devastated and overwhelmed

my online partner of 10 years now may have possibly died and i dont know

they have a brain aneurysm that was rupturing when they texted me about being in the hospital

the mortality rate of it is so high

i never got to meet them irl
i never got to hug them, kiss them, touch them
i never got to tell them i love them face to face
i never got to go on a cheesy date, never be the annoying pda couple, never got to cuddle, never got to propose or get married

i just hope they are tuckered out and sleeping
i dont want to believe that theyre dead
i have no way of knowing too

i want to throw up
i don't want this to be real
i wanted to grow old with them, i wanted to do so many things with them

i dont know what i'll do without them
i've been living the past few years with the goal of seeing them
i think i'll go through with death if i cant see them
it's pointless now, no one will love and understand me as much as they do
i'll never experience this love... they were my soulmate...

im so stupid