ANONYMOUSHIHI's question (5)

Hello, this is my very first time doing this question thingy after a few years of using this site.. So I'm not quite sure if I'm doing this right.. ՞߹ - ߹՞

Anyway, I would like to rant about something and would like some advice or answers (?) huhu!.. I hope this doesn't get taken down or get negative reactions..

I am currently suffering from extreme headache and cold as I'm typing this, so consider this as like, being honest asf when drunk, so I don't know if I'll be speaking well lol.

Oks, so, I'm having this shower thought or sumt whatever u call it.. I'm a very hypersexual virgin, so I have little to no experience w this. (I had online rs's, and yes, I would go far w "video calling" and do stuff, but that's it)

I'm wondering, everytime I do self-pleasure, (as I said, im hypersexual, I can't help it) I always need material right? So I js go on here or other sites to find one, and mid "pleasure", I would always think abt having THE stuff done to me as well. I imagine stuff VERY vividly, so I get off liek, easily lol. And yes, I fantasize those A LOT, even after pleasure moment..

But lately, after doing "those", Ive been having post nut-clarity (m a girl, but I do feel ts), not about reality, but the Ick of thinking abt doing it with someone..

I like this guy, and we joke around being freaky. I've always been a freaky person, and I won't deny that. But I influenced the guy lowk, and I think he likes me since he's willing to go far to joke w me abt ts.. And back then, I wouldn't mind. But nowadays, I js.. Get the Ick when being freaky w him. I don't mind, but I genuinely don't wanna be freaky anymore, like w him. Even with other friends in general that im close with (like, topics we relate and shit), I js wanna keep the freakiness to myself. And lowkey, Im loosing interest. Not because of the freakiness, but because of how I'm not in the mood to focus on personal relationships and such.

I had an ex and after that ex, I had a hookup thinking we could be together, yes, but most of it were js abt lust, and I regret calling those "love" when most of it were js us fucking around. (online btw, I hate to admit)

I think it was because of my hypersexuality, and wanting someone to relieve it w me, I js realized it b4 that it was disgusting, and I regret every single bit of it.

Continuing on, I used to always think abt stuff being done to me, but nowadays, I js.. Only think abt it mid pleasure, because ofc, it increases my libido or sumt. But after doing such, I legit have the Ick of thinking abt it w someone, or even with the person I like. I suddenly js dont like the action done towards me.

I like seeing people getting it on, aka voyeurism (right..?), but as I said, I don't want it done to me. I used to fantasize abt it because of my hypersexuality, but I js prefer looking at people doing it, and I feel like.. Toys would be better than actual humans.

Idk whats wrong w me lol, I don't have money or time to fix my hypersexuality (I don't have trauma, I was js exposed at a rlly young age), so I js cope by doing pleasure lmaoo..

Anyway, I js wonder, why am I suddenly getting disgusted when it comes to being freaky w people or thinking abt it having done to me, but I literally get off to people doing it? Ik its voyeurism, but ik there's more to that. I used to be a hopeless romantic, yet thinking abt being w someone makes me.. Idk, off? I don't want to be in an rs anymore, aka I'm being cupioromantic I guess..

But why? Why did my feelings suddenly change? The guys I like is better than my exes, yet when he tries to flirt or be freaky like me, I get icked? I used to be head over heels for him, get off to his voice (ehem.. Yes..), but not anymore. I'm loosing interest on him. And I'm fine with fangirling as a fujoshi and have butterflies when reading romance, but I don't desire for such to happen to me. I'm contemplating sm about my mixed feelings and thoughts that I'm feeling nauseous as I'm typing now.

I used to like being in a relationship, but suddenly turn to not liking being in one. I just want friendship, maybe platonic at most? Idk anymore. I'm js, my head is overthinking and overwhelmed by these unnecessary thoughts.

I'm struggling with hypersexuality, yet I don't want anyone to help me with it, like a lover or a hookup or someone I like idk????!! I genuinely js want toys, like, I feel like toys would help me and I would be completely fine with those and be happy w my life. I really don't know anymore. I'm turning 18 next year (I hope my age doesn't shock anyone), so I want to be able to save for toys to be able to cope with my hypersexuality and the shit I'm struggling with.

Sorry for the rant, I'm not in my right mind as I am typing this, so I will defo have second hand embarrassment when my head is clear.. Also, I won't read all of this and js post this since my head is rlly painful and I feel sick still, so I'm sorry if whatever I said is confusing. I just wanna rant.. ಥ_ಥ

If anyon3 has answers or advice, pls do tell! I don't mind any brutal honesty, or criticism, or anything, I'm fine witht anything! Thank you for reading this rant, if anyone has questions, u can ask, i'll do my best to answer :) (I feel so bad for my mom for havinf a daughter like me.. Lol.)

Idk if I should say this or not, but like..

Would it be nice if someone made a threesome or whatever fanart about the "3" specific scanlation groups..? (IYKWIM. I KNOW Y'ALL KNOW WHICH ONES I MEAN!!! ಥ_ಥ)

Cuz like, I'm actually thinking abt making a fanart abt them lol. Because of how much they js UPLOAD over each other..

Hello, I hope that this is a safe open space to talk abt this, so feel free to open up here with me! (Tldr at the end!)

I js wanna know if there are other users like me who haven't enrolled to a school due to personal reasons?

I don't mind explaining my side, so lemme js say it..

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I have to get my previous grades from previous school years, but my mom can't work on it since I still need my grade 3-4 grade form (also known as form 137), but the specific school from that grade then has been shut down a long time ago, so it's hard to get info abt it... And I still need to work up until grade 8.. Problem is, my grade 6 form will be difficult since its in a whole diff city where I need a boat to travel. (Why? During online class, my mom asked my Aunt to enroll me in their area because it was the first time I got to be in school after missing a year, but they had a fall out, so we don't want to contact her anymore, plus we don't have any close relatives who we're in contact with there anymore..)

The rest are easy, but idk why, my mom has been given soooo much time, but she barely did anything abt it.. :( Now I'm going to be a 3-year repeater, I'm supposed to be grade 12 this year, but I missed 1 year during covid, and then missed another 2 years ago due to form problems, and now this year. I managed to get into school last year, aka grade 9. But now, I can't get to grade 10 since its not easy to enroll anymore.. :((( All because my family of "EDUCATORS" (literally, the educator bloodline stopped /w my mom's generation...... BUT MY MOM, HER COUSINS AND HER BROTHERS ARE GENIUSES WHO USED TO BE ENROLLED IN PRESTIGIOUS SCHOOLS!!) did nothing abt my form since KINDERGARTEN apparently.

Tl;Dr: I have had problems with grade documents, aka form 137 since kindergarten. And now I can't enroll this year AGAIN (I'm a 3-years repeater now) because I need to get my form from grade 3 until grade 8!!! the form for my grade 3-4 will be difficult because the school had shut down years ago, and my grade 6 form is in a whole diff city. To travel, u need to ride a boat...... Difficult as heck man..

Sorry for the rant, I js want to know if people have similar experience rn and can't enroll due to other reasons.. I hope I'm not alone in this, and those who can't enroll this year, you're not alone too! :) don't worry!! thanks for reading my rant!

Note: Iirc, form 137 is an extremely important document for u to be able to enroll, especially if you're a transferee (I've enrolled in 7 schools *had to move houses A LOT.*, that's why it's so difficult for us to do TS..) since it determines if you're really eligible to move up to the next grade with ur grades from the previous school, and if you're really legit sumt sumt iykwim..

Hello, I finally have the memory to actually ask my fking problem in this site! I have a genuine question to dream experts or non experts(idm hehe) as someone who's struggling with some type of dreams..

(Warning, mention of gore & blood! And super long rant, no tldr since I can't summarize shit ffs..)


I am a person who is a dreamer! (A person who dreams a LOT..) And for some reason, I can remember my dreams, though only some of it, not the entire thing.. But I can almost remember them fully too! Even old dreams from my childhood! (Or completely remember them lmao, is this rare???? Cuz lots of people ik can't rlly remember their dreams but only little..)

Anyway, you might be wondering, what could a dreamer possibly ask? Well..

What does it means when majority—yes MAJORITY of your dreams are js full of blood, gore, horror, murder, etc..????

For some reason, lots of searches I have done kept saying that I could be "stressed" or not be in a good mental state (which is true lmao).. BUT, I still get these dreams(atp, js call them nightmares) even if nothing happened bad or stressful happened THAT day.. Or even 2 days?? Plus, I didn't consume any horror media either for my brain to consider the stuff I do as a hobby into a "nightmare".. I've questioned myself, my mom, my friend, but I would always get the answers.. :

Mom: You might be watching so much horror videos lol.

-I didn't even watch any horror videos today..

Friend: My mom said that if you have nightmares, that means sumt good will happen..

-That's js a superstition...

Me: I haven't been stressed lately, nor feel down or depressed..

-Literally, m js enjoying yaoi and sleeping lmao.

Like?? I don't get what's wrong with me.. And btw, I am the type to STILL remember my old nightmares back when I was still a 5 year old kid and previous dreams from my childhood until now.. *Idfk how, I js remember them*

Also, let me add something.. Is it also normal to feel SLIGHT pain in a dream?

I had a dream where my whole right foot got amputated while running, like my shoe had my FOOT in it. Then I went back(?? Idfk w myself) to put MY foot back, but when they finally reattached, I felt pain. I still remember it vividly and how it felt.

It was like pressing on a bruise.. That's how it exactly felt, but it was not BAD, it was js slightly there typa feeling since ofc, it's a dream lmao.. No exaggerated sense of pain.

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I'm not flexing of any sort, I genuinely want to know what is wrong lmao.. And no, this is not me being "edgy" or "emo", wth. I rlly hope someone can give me their thoughts on this matter! ;(

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Also, I still remember a very recent gore dream which was WORSE than my previous ones..

It was like those dark web ahh low quality videos, and it felt like an analog horror. It was like I was watching it first-hand and it was people grinding people in a machine, someone put their own arms in it and meat got out in weird bloody flesh (yes.) parts came out, then they opened a closet (?? Yes it was a closet lmao) and one dude js scooped them out with a plastic bag??? I also could smell it for some reason, it smelt like rotten food that you put at the side of the sink.. And that's all I remember, rest was js me in a school w my old classmates.. It js transitioned lmao.


Also had a dream where I was AWARE of what I was in.. Like, I was in a dream on the exact same couch I was sleeping in, but I was reading sumt then a scary fucking panel with the eyes of that one drawing (the drawings have souls in them, I HOPE YKWIM).. Then I stood up to turn the lights on, but it wouldn't turn on, I was SCARED in the dream, I felt it!! And then I tried to wake myself up by screaming, especially since the whole living room was PITCH BLACK and I knew what was coming.. The screams felt like I was screaming in lowercase too. and boom, I woke up lol.. In the same exact couch I was laying down in that dream and same living room..

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I js don't get it, I sleep, then I end up having a scary/bloody dream for no absolute reason!!! I js want any genuine thoughts on this matter please! I haven't been able to full rant abt this to anyone since no one understands what m going through lmao.. I hope there are also similar people in this site!

Keep in mind, these are NOT made up, I repeat, NOT MADE UP!! I was js given a skill/idk to be able to remember my dreams and previous ones! I can't remember them fully (I can remember some fully sometimes tho), but I remember key details of THAT specific dream! Again, I hope someone can give me their take on this problem huhu.. Thank you for reading!!

I know that some of ya'll have already done this.. But like, do you guys js trust your poker face when reading yaoi in public or in front of your family/parents? LMAO.

Cuz right now, at this moment while I'm typing, my mom is sitting beside me on the couch.. Though she's super locked in those low-budget chinese dramas and random romance audiobooks, so I'm not worried at all LMAOAOO!!

Js wanna hear ya'lls experience when you had to put on a poker face when reading the BEST parts of yaoi... Cuz I'm abt to master this skill.. Especially if my mom is fking weirded out by my likings for BL/Yaoi..( ˘ ³˘)