2026-08-04 03:00
Tags: #4/5
at its best, a poignant and subtle depiction of coming of age, queerness, transness, and friendship. at its worst, aimless, disjointed, and boring. still, i loved it because shimura nailed the beginning and the ending. there's a satisfying catharsis at the climax that makes you forgive the bloated middle section.
depicting characters growing up from 5th grade to end of high school is difficult. how long do you spend on a year? which details and relationships do you focus on? shirahama takes an unconventional approach with the passage of time. there's this unreal quality--sometimes days, weeks or months pass in the span of a page without clear delineation. developments are announced without prior build up (suddenly shuu is dating anna?), you skip forward, then circle back again. reading felt like trying to remember something that happened long ago. sometimes it really worked, sometimes it came off as awkward and confusing . doesn't help that the unofficial translation had bouts of unnatural dialogue.
i don't need 'plot' to enjoy a manga especially one like this that is carried by its characterizations and themes (growing up, queerness, interpersonal conflicts in childhood) but it was still frustrating when the manga rehashed the same plot points (e.g. cultural festival where kids switch genders x4). these are panels that could have been used to expand on other characters (e.g. chiba's wannabe christian identity and that flippant boy who likes her or shuu's parents thoughts about the crossdressing)
when it all started to drag, what kept me reading was my investment in the characters. the heart of this manga: shuu and taka: a boy who's really a girl, and a girl who wants to be a boy. their unique connection to each other, their joy in finding someone similar, but also their hurts as feelings change, differences emerge, and time passes...
this manga captures the trans experience through mundane moments and conversations that humanizes and connects you with the 'trans' experience, but also, simply the 'human' experience. it was hilariously relatable when shuu daydreams about being a mournful heroine scorned by her family.. if they scorn her-- she'll have a reason to be suffering like this, won't she? sometimes self-victimizing can feel so satisfying, especially when you use it as a tool to escape shame and disappointment in yourself. blame others for all the bad feelings.
there's a lot of realistic confusion concerning identity (do i want to be a man, or do i just hate being a girl? ), the intersection between dating and gender (if you want to be a girl, does that mean you like men?), the unique traumas of puberty (my sister's boyfriend is more delicate looking than me...), feeling like your very core self is a pervert outside of normal society. so many deceptively small moments that made my heart ache. eg. the time that shuu and takatsuki are on stage together both dressed as girls and shuu feels "a moment of tranquility" because that tiny manufactured moment is a respite from the constant anxieties of simply existing as someone with a fractured identity... :((
the way chi chan and takatsuki's crossdressing is seen as 'cool' and shuu's crossdressing is seen as perverted (sent home, mother called) just because he's a boy, was really devastatingly unfair. wanted to literally murder doi who said 'you should wear the girls uniform to school' because of a passing curiosity and then when shuu did it, said 'how stupid can you get' selfish callous prick.i was shocked when they become friends later on (even working on the drama script together), but i like that it shows people can grow out of their ignorance and small mindedness.
yuki gave me pause. on one hand, why are you as an adult hanging out with children, sleeping next to them, touching them inappropriately even if not 'sexually' and stalking them on their school trips ?? (yeah you want to heal your own traumatic youth but isn't there a less creepy way..?) but also i loved yuki and it was really heartwarming how she allowed shu and taka a space to be themselves and showed them that they were not alone. for queer people, it's harder to find peers, so larger age gaps are common in friendships. people find community and learn about themselves through mentorship, which at times can be dangerous and predatory. overall yuki was handled with nuance, though i think the sexual harassment aspect and its fallout was kind of dropped frivolously and wasn't explored with enough depth.
the final few chapters where the cast all reflect on how far they have come were expertly done. i esp loved shuu's novel:
"i guess we were kindred souls" key word being were...
even though it's nothing to be sorry for,, it's a bit sad that takatsuki no longer wants to be a boy by the end, but identity is fluid and malleable. and as the two of them hold hands, they both celebrate and mourn a connection and relationship that got them through difficult times, and will always be special, but will never be the same again. the two of them acknowledging that ache was beautiful. life isn't a story, and people drift apart and change and that was a compelling note to end on.
(god the scene where taka sees shuu at the train station and calls out, but shuu doesn't hear and they miss each other again and again and she almost wishes she didnt see shuu at all so she wouldn't have to feel this lack... UGH i related so hard to this moment. thinking of seeing old friends at the station and not calling out at all... you're no longer the people you used to be)
"satomi nitori was scared of her own son. not that he was scary, but that he was strange. shuuichi nitori felt the same way about himself... no that's wrong. i'm getting carried away in the writing. scary? weird? i've never thought that about myself. when i get writer's block i masturbated" shuu i love you... i want to read the rest of your novel please. the last few chapters were definitely my favourites. overall had so many grounded human moments that cut you in their vivid portrayal of growing older. one of the more nuanced depictions of trans experience in manga.
