I can relate with Ashida. I also keep thinking what if I get bored later in a relationship even if I'm passionate right now and hurt them later. That's why even if I like someone I choose to pull away. Even with other things I become highly interested at first then I get bored really quickly. Never been in a proper relationship. Now I don't even try. I know I'll hurt them for sure. Whenever I think of love and relationship there's this person that pops in my head, always. He pursued me for several years but I kept rejecting him. I was kinda getting feelings for him but I pushed him away because I couldn't come in terms with my feelings and confusion. Never been in love before, had crushes but the intensity of feelings was different towards him. So, I got scared and pushed him away. It has been two years since we haven't been in contact but I still think about him. I'm confused whether I'm missing him or the attention he gave. If I confess to him now I would be the most terrible person because I know how hard it was for him to pull himself away from me. And if I confess to him with these half-assed feelings of mine then it's definitely unfair for him and the several years he had to suffer. Whenever I try to start something with someone else his thoughts start to haunt me. I freaking can't get him out of my mind. I have seen him broken and I don't want to see it ever again because of my push and pull attitude. I wonder how can anyone carry love in their heart. It's so heavy. Just ranting here because I have no one to share it with and it doesn't help when I'm so awkward with my feelings.
I can relate with Ashida. I also keep thinking what if I get bored later in a relationship even if I'm passionate right now and hurt them later. That's why even if I like someone I choose to pull away. Even with other things I become highly interested at first then I get bored really quickly. Never been in a proper relationship. Now I don't even try. I know I'll hurt them for sure.
Whenever I think of love and relationship there's this person that pops in my head, always. He pursued me for several years but I kept rejecting him. I was kinda getting feelings for him but I pushed him away because I couldn't come in terms with my feelings and confusion. Never been in love before, had crushes but the intensity of feelings was different towards him. So, I got scared and pushed him away. It has been two years since we haven't been in contact but I still think about him. I'm confused whether I'm missing him or the attention he gave. If I confess to him now I would be the most terrible person because I know how hard it was for him to pull himself away from me. And if I confess to him with these half-assed feelings of mine then it's definitely unfair for him and the several years he had to suffer.
Whenever I try to start something with someone else his thoughts start to haunt me. I freaking can't get him out of my mind. I have seen him broken and I don't want to see it ever again because of my push and pull attitude. I wonder how can anyone carry love in their heart. It's so heavy.
Just ranting here because I have no one to share it with and it doesn't help when I'm so awkward with my feelings.