It's hard to imagine how painful it must be to live against one's nature... you must be a very strong person...
It is not God you wants you to live with out love with out happiness. those are the dictates of society. You can be you are in the sight of God and still know his love. Man's rules and God's love are two diff. things . Always remember that.
I think you're very strong to choose the life you're living. There are just two points I wanted to make. Not because I think I know better or something, but just because sometimes an outside opinion can help:
1) The bible may be God's word, but it's filtered through mankind's judgement and perspective. Just the translations can change hugely the meaning of some passages. It requires context, compassion, and open-mindedness to understand. It's not a recipe book.
2) God loves you. Regardless of anything else, that never stops being true. He made you, He loves you, and you are perfect to Him just the way you are. And no one can ever take that from you.
Stay well, and I hope you can find the same sort of peace within Christianity that Ray did in Buddism. :)
Like others have already stated, those kinds of rules that decide what is "sinful" are all man-made. They're interpretations, but not God's mandate.
To me it's very simple, there were only two things that were very clearly stated as coming from God: love others as you love yourself, and love God above anything else. I don't think I'm wrong to say that throughout the entire Bible, the thing that is most important is Love. How could a god that refers to itself as being represented by love, keep people from showing that love? God isn't about hate, He loves us, and He wants us to love [and accept] ourselves, so that we can genuinely share that love with others.
nobile-- You said EXACTLY what I wanted to say!!!! Arigatou (^_^)/
I like the side story but it awoke my problem i try to run away from... The side story actually make me think alot about my life. Since I love god with all my heart but im also bi (i prefer guy tho). I dont have the option to (and dont want) change religion either. I actually used to think about this to the point of crying alone in my sleep cuz of this till i decide to just say "screw this" and decide to not act on my feelings on boys n just stick with shipping people together and stuff...