(Tw: messed up shit, self-harm, venting. Also you don't have to read this, this is just me opening up to the only place I can which is some strangers online lol since no one knows me here so I hope you don't mind me venting a little since this manga is way too relatable it's unbelievable haha) now that I've read the whole manga, the situation became more scary, it's as if everytime I read more and more is when I realize more and more that the relationship I'm in right now is scary, but I was just blind enough and too far in to stop. Now you might be wondering "oh, why not just break up" well, it's the guilt and waves of memories washing over me, everytime that girl reminds me that I did something wrong, I don't hink about it as for "why does she complain for the smallest things?" No it's more of "how could I be so stupid." It's from the smallest things to not calling her petnames or talking to her everytime I'm free to not saying good job for eating or cutting herself. It feels like she just wants me to use all of my energy dedicated for her. It hurts. It really does. She used to punch me for fun but now that she realized it's not good, she only emotionally abuses me. It hurts, and I can't pass even a whole hour without thinking if it's alright that I'm not cheeking my phone, she had made me feel like I'm some obedient dog to mess around with, she calls me puppy and always mention how obedient and how good I am to her at times when I don't fight back because I'm tired. It hurts to see her everyday, it hurts to hear her comments all the time, it hurts to hear her voice, it hurts to feel her touch, it hurts to breath alone while shes around, it hurts to not think anymore. But at the same time.. it comforts how she appreciated me, it feels nice to hear comments sometimes too, it makes me feel at home when I feel her touch but it's as if I'm touching a flower so beautiful, but could kill you in seconds, I just fear, that one day, she will lock me up inside her little world, she already made me lose contact with many of my friends, she only makes me spend time with her, I always make up excuses to why I can't meet because I want to breath, to be myself. But I don't think that being myself, is a thing anymore, she changed me to a person I won't recognize anymore, I'm scared to look in the mirror and face the person I have become, I am already an adult, but I have never experienced freedom. I want to run away from here, if I ever could. Everything, just everything.. it hurts so bad my soul is chained up but my heart says otherwise, I love her, but I'm so scared of her at the same time but I try to convince myself that I don't, now, I miss her touch, her words,
I just miss being in an invisible cage and it hasn't even been a few hours. I don't know anymore, do I want freedom, or do I want to be locked in her arms.
2 years after I wrote this. I have broken up with her. I have a wonderful girlfriend, she makes me happy.
my new girlfriend makes me feel safe with myself, when I don't want to do something, shes fine with it.
She always tries to make me feel less insecure and make me love the parts I never thought I had.
I love her.
I am no longer in the stage of obsession, obsession with pain, sadness, possessiveness.
Now my ex girlfriend also found someone.
and they're also happy.
I just want to say if you ever feel the same way I felt, you should leave.
you will be happier.
You will get the freedom you longed for.
I relate to Eunseo, my girlfriend is exactly like ina but shes not a ddancer the only reason I don't like this is because this is literally our relationship, the injuries, obsession, no self-awareness and trying to convince myself things aren't that way, we've been there so many times