I’m hungry af and wanna poop real bad, what do I do first

Poop so when you eat you won't feel full

BOTH. eat while shit, or eat on toilet then shit the order doesn’t rlly matter :p

Start by putting the phone away

I’m a bit late but eat first, poop later. Then, all of that food will be digested and you will have a satisfying massive dump in the end (not how the digestive system works)