No future lol

I have been where you are, and as much as it's going to sound impossible, you just have to do it. You have to force yourself. You can take breaks in between, but don't take a break from homework and then read some manga because then you'll be too distracted to go back. When it's hard and you don't want to do the work you just have to remember why you're doing it. For a long time my motive was that I didn't want to upset my parents. I just kept telling myself. It hurts, but you've got to keep going. Even now I don't really do a lot of my work, or rather I procrastinate, but in the end you've got to get it done.

Uhm. Idk what my future is gonna be, too. But I think if you can aknowledge what is going on in your life then you can fix it somehow. I sometimes shut everything out and spend one or two days watching youtube and reading manga. I dont think it is necessary bad to do those kinds of things once in a while, especially if that's how you cope with stress. But it's like a recharging battery kind of situation. After recharging you have to work on your life or else you will get stuck. And I think after a while all the manga and Youtube get boring, too.

I can relate. I'm always sick and I'm never in school due to my health. I think I failed. I'm pretty lonley which is hard to admit. People have this hope I'm going to go far in life but let's be real here I'm not. Im dumb and rather be locked in my bedroom since that's where I spend most of my time. I've given up and think school is useless. I don't even know what's wrong with me anymore. I just hope life gets better. (⌒▽⌒)

I feel u. Manga and gaming are my escape too. The feeling that u are the character in the game is so real and i feel powerful. The story in the manga eats me whole and i became the part of it. But just go and look in the mirror and observe what you see. You, your face, your surroundings, your body... all those things belong to the real world where the time passes for all of us, no matter what. Just don't let your real life pass by, you can't respawn or turn the page back. I regret deeply that I missed some opportunities

Mental disorder, eating disorder? Sounds serious, are you following with a therapist?

I'm seeing my therapist twice a week

I'm trying to take all the opportunities that I get and do things that are out of my comfort zone but falling back into these unproductive episodes feels inevitable to me

I know that sounds weird coming from me, considering what I just posted, but don't give up and lose hope! I believe you can do it and whatever you have done, you've done what you can and you can't do anything more than that. Stay strong!

Yeah I need to recharge quite often because my school has very high expectations and extremely long days, but I hope I'll find a solution one day where I won't have to recharge as much as I do now..

I know that, and I'm really trying my best but sometimes I'm just so emotionally drained, I can't do anything more than what I'm doing. I admire your motivation though

If you take meds, then keep it up. I know people who actually better by these stuff takes a while. Don't worry, once you're better you will have enough time to do other activities and find the right path. Just do as the therapist/psychiatrist say.

I just hated hearing the things they said to me. My mother would cry and my dad would say terrible things to me.
I actually wrote down some of my dad's words once when he was ranting at me:
"You used her. You use people. You’re a user. You’re not a nice person… Then you’ll use me again… That’s why I’ll start to begin to hate you… People who use me, I don’t want anything to do with them… I see it now… You don’t have any life… Then you’re gonna come back here after college and flunking out."
So yeah, I prefer when I'm the apple of my dad's eye and him calling me by my childhood nickname instead of calling me a "user" and saying that he doesn't care if I kill myself. XD

Your dad sounds really mean here. I hope he is not like that everytime and was just in a bad mood. I remembered one time my dad was in a bad mood and like said stuff to me even though I didn't do anything. But I am quite the moody person too so I get what he was doing. So I guess what I want to say is that maybe your dad doesn't really think those things he said, he was just being in a bad mood and trying to get his negative emotions out. But those specific words are extreme-.- Hope you guys have a calm conversation and understand each other better:3

Oh yeah, he's a great dad. I think he just thought I was being a bitch instead of being depressed.

Yea I want that too, sometmes. But idk. I have anxiety, I think, maybe social anxiety, and also overthinking. Though Im not all too sure what is wrong with my emotions, and though there are times these anxious emotions prevent me from doing things I want to do, I don't wish that they are never there. Because I'm a writer and being an overthinker and an emotional person helped me to write dark stuff with multiple perspectives. Also, it helps me in life when I want to sympathize with somebody or think about solving a problem. I don't even know for sure if I have a mental illness. But what I feel is real. And I guess I hope one day I will look back and think stuff like I'm glad I overcome it cause it makes me stronger.

I just reread your comment and realized you said you wanted to recharge less. Somehow I thought you meant you wanted to never have the illness in the first place, hence my comment:)) but yea, I just kinda wanna rant because I was thinking these things for a while now.